Change the Way You Think About Comparison Forever [ep. #220]

25 Feb

Written By Rebecca Haydon

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Tune in to learn a roadmap that will help you move through the comparison and elevate you to the next freaking level.

Topics covered on Change the Way You Think About Comparison Forever:

How does comparison reflect your subconscious beliefs?
What is the concept of "perception is projection," and how can it change your life?
How can you use comparison as a roadmap to enter your next level?
What are the three steps to turn comparison into a tool for growth?
How does your subconscious identity affect your business success?

Connect with Rebecca Haydon:

Come say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Related episodes you may enjoy:

Quote:

"We don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we are." - Rebecca Haydon

Transcription:

Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!

[00:00:00] You are listening to The Subconscious Expert, the podcast where your subconscious becomes your one way ticket to the mind blowing results you desire in your life and business. I've said it before, and I will say it a hundred times again. Your business cannot outgrow your mindset. And if you want to grow your business, it always starts with growing your subconscious.

So let's dive into the subconscious breakthrough you so deeply deserve.

Hello my loves and welcome back to the subconscious expert buckle up because this episode is about to change the way you think about comparison for absolute ever. For absolute ever. In fact, everything you think you feel and you do around comparison, things are about to change because we have all been there.

Haven't we? Like, we open up Instagram [00:01:00] and we see someone in the industry or a niche, absolutely smashing it, signing the dream clients, hitting the months that you want to, you want to make, getting booked on every single goddamn podcast, getting brand deals, launching offers with ease, and instead of feeling inspired, you Feel off.

Maybe it's frustration, maybe it's jealousy. Maybe it's that sinking gut feeling that I used to have daily where it says, why them and not me? Why them and not me? And suddenly, lo and behold. We're in a bloody spiral. We're overthinking, we're questioning the strategy, we're doubting the offers. We're feeling like you need to change everything overnight just to keep up.

Now, the thing that I want to start to preface this whole podcast about is. It's not even [00:02:00] about them. This is about you. Because comparison is never ever, ever, ever just surface level. Comparison is a literal projection of your subconscious mind. So what you see In someone else what you physically allow yourself to see in someone else is simply a mirror reflecting back to you what is already inside of you and today we are going deep we're going deep into NLP we're going deep into subconscious programming and the truth about perception is projection something I speak so often about inside you My containers because perception is projection will change your goddamn life.

So the next time comparison creeps in, instead of spiraling, instead of spiraling, [00:03:00] instead of spiraling, you can use it as a freaking roadmap to moving through it, to stopping the spiral of comparison, to actually knowing where you go next. So let's dive in.

Now, before we get into. the juicy reframe and I have got three very simple steps that I'm going to give you every time you compare so hang around to the end of the episode because I think it might change your life.

We need to actually understand before we get into all of that this principle of perception is projection. Now when I first learned this I couldn't quite get my head around it and it took me quite a while to understand what it means and What I was doing with it, because when I first heard this as a concept way back when in 2019, I was like, yeah, okay, like, whatever, like, comparison, you know, like, if I see something in someone that pisses me off, it's [00:04:00] because it's actually in me, like, okay, whatever projection already, but perception is projection actually means that we don't see the world as As it is, we see the world as we are, let me say that again.

We don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we are, through our own set of glasses that have our set of projections, that have our beliefs, our upbringing, our understanding of the world and that's how we see. Your subconscious filters everything. When I say everything, I fucking mean everything, through the lens of your beliefs, of your past experiences, and your self concept, your identity.

So, what you admire in someone, it's usually because [00:05:00] your subconscious mind, already recognizes that it is inside of you. What triggers you about someone, it's because your subconscious mind is showing you where you need to grow. That was the tricky bit for me, for me to take on. Look, I've done work around it.

Okay. But let me kind of break this down into a bit of a business example. So. Say you see another business owner selling with absolute confidence, there's no hesitation, there's no over explaining, like literally just certainty, day in day out selling, and it really freaking irritates you. Your subconscious wouldn't even register that behavior, let alone be triggered by it, if it didn't have some part of you that wants to embody it too.

So your subconscious wouldn't even recognize or register that behavior of them selling with absolute [00:06:00] confidence, no hesitation, no over explaining, just certainty, if you didn't have some part of you that truly wants to embody that too. Because your subconscious only notices what it already deems relevant to you.

So when you feel comparison, your subconscious isn't saying you're behind. It's saying you have this inside of you, but you haven't fully claimed it yet. You could actually be doing this, but you haven't fully claimed it yet. And the problem with comparison is most people miss this signal. And instead of using comparison as literal a subconscious roadmap, they fall into self doubt, they fall into sabotage, they fall into hide in, they fall into secondary gain, and they just keep going around the pattern.

But I know you. I know you, and I know that you're not here to play small. [00:07:00] You're here to understand this on a deeper level, and use it to frickin elevate you to the next level, and that is what we're going to do today. Like, you can hear it in my voice. I am locked in and loaded on this concept because I want you to take comparison.

This is why I knew it was going to be nuggets of gold this episode, but take the comparison and actually start to look at it being a subconscious roadmap. What am I being triggered by? What am I being, what am I being called to do? What do, what do I. Or don't I want to do and really use it as a step forwards.

Now I know, because if you've listened to my podcast long enough, I will have spoke about in different episodes, God knows which episode, but I will have spoke about in, in a certain episode where I used to have a pattern that I would actually go. [00:08:00] and sit on other people's Instagram who were more successful, quote unquote, more successful than me to make myself feel bad, to make myself feel less than.

And it was a real secondary game to keep me in that part that was really playing, um, it's never going to happen for me. And I get it, right? And I want to talk about why comparison in business feels like Um, an absolute gut punch sometimes because comparison doesn't hit this hard in every area of life.

Like you don't look at freaking Serena Williams and say, Oh, why am I not winning Wimbledon? Like, why am I not winning Wimbledon yet? You don't do that because your subconscious doesn't identify as a pro athlete. Now, if you are listening and you're a pro athlete, welcome. And if you are saying that, let's do some work on it.

But I know [00:09:00] we don't have many pro athletes in the house, um, on this podcast. But, you know, you're not looking at Serena Williams and saying, Oh my god, like, why, why can't I just fucking win Wimbledon? And that's because the identification isn't there. But in business, business is personal. It's not just your strategy, it's your identity.

It's how you're seen, it's how you're valued, it's the legacy that you're leaving, it's your passion, it's your purpose, it's your mission, it's your why. That's why you've got the business in the first place. And when you see someone in your space winning Being successful, your subconscious isn't just analysing, it's attaching a meaning.

One of the best, best questions that I give my clients is, what am I making this mean? You start to mean that if they're growing, that means I'm behind. If they're more visible, that means I'm irrelevant. If they're making more, [00:10:00] that means I'm not good enough. And to be honest, your subconscious is lying to you.

Because success is not finite. There is no behind. There is no scarcity of results. Trust me, one of my biggest beliefs was that I have to be first. There is no fucking first. Everything looks different to so many people and just because someone else is winning, it doesn't mean you're losing. Just because someone else is growing fast doesn't mean that you're on the wrong path.

And just because someone else is booked out and On the beach doesn't mean there isn't a waitlist of dream clients waiting for you. But if your subconscious is telling you that their success means something about you, that's a belief that we need to rewire. Because you're making it about you, right? We need to bring it back to you.

This is the most important [00:11:00] piece. the reframe. Because from this moment on, we are not letting comparison hold us back. I want you to use it to your advantage. So, next time you compare yourself, I want you to hear my voice in your little ears. Pretty much shouting at you like I've done for the whole podcast episode, but the first step that I want you to take is I want you to identify your projection.

So next time you are about to compare yourself, I want you to pause and I want you to ask, what exactly am I noticing? Am I noticing their confidence? Am I noticing their authority? Am I noticing their income? Their selling with ease? Their ability to make really cool content? What exactly am I noticing?

Because this answer, this very first step, and [00:12:00] the answer that you will get with this is gold dust because what you're noticing is what your subconscious is already priming you to step into. It wants that and it wouldn't notice it if it didn't. So what exactly am I noticing? Step number one. Step number two.

We want to find the limiting belief. So once you've identified the projection, I want you to go deeper. I want you to ask yourself, what belief is stopping me from fully embodying this? Now, there could be a plethora of beliefs that come up at this point, but is it I'm not ready for that level, is it people will judge me if I show up like that, is it success like that isn't possible for me, is it I'm always left behind so I'm Always going to be behind and the moment that you uncover that belief, [00:13:00] you can start to take back control because you can look at it logically.

You can look at it logistically and start to work through one where that belief has come from and to what you know to be true moving forwards. Number three is I want you to embody it now. Now here's the shift instead of you waiting until you feel ready and then keep comparing them. Because that feels safer, it feels safer to sit and compare them than to actually fucking move and do the thing.

I want you to act like you are already the version of yourself that has what you have just uncovered from step number one. So if I was already at that level, how would I show up today? If I already had the confidence that I see that I'm comparing to, what decisions would I make? Your subconscious doesn't work on logic.

I always get my clients to see the [00:14:00] logic because it actually takes us back into the prefrontal cortex. It takes us back into self. But actually when we're then in self, we can start to work on identity. The moment you start being that next level version of yourself, your reality is going to catch you up.

Okay, so now we've broken down. How comparison is actually literally a projection of your subconscious. We have our three steps in how to move through it to finish off the episode. I want to really get into what's happening neurologically when comparison kicks in. Because comparison is a word that's bound across the self development space.

In so many ways, but it isn't mindset fluff, it's literal science. So the first thing is the reticular activating system, which I've spoke a lot about on the podcast or what I always say, you know, if you've [00:15:00] noticed that when you decide that you want something, whether it's a new car or a holiday, you suddenly see that exact car everywhere.

That exact holiday everywhere. It's not magic. That is your reticular activating system. Your RAS at work and your RAS is the gatekeeper of your subconscious mind. So it is filtering out millions of pieces of information per second, and it will only let us. Take in what we think is relevant to you. So when you set a subconscious goal, for example, growing to a certain amount of money per month or becoming to, you know, the go to expert, whatever the goal is, your RAS is going to start scanning for proof of that reality.

Now, this is where comparison comes in. So, when you notice someone with the results you want, [00:16:00] it's because your RAS has decided it's relevant to you. You wouldn't be triggered by their success if your subconscious didn't already see that as a possibility for you. Instead of seeing it as evidence, instead of going, wow, okay, she has that, so therefore I can too, most people go into scarcity mode.

She's already doing it so I can't. I'm too far behind. There's not enough room for me. And your brain's survival instinct is to focus on lack and scarcity. But right now, your subconscious is literally trying to show you where to go next. So actually, with the RAS, with what you're seeing, your RAS is showing you what's already possible for you.

In fact, comparison is Simply a sign that your subconscious is looking for proof of what's [00:17:00] next, what's coming next. So instead of your, instead of kind of taking your RAS and what it's bringing in because that's what you've asked it to focus on, you're doing the work here. Instead of letting your RAS spiral into I'm behind and all of those beliefs.

I want you to say, well, if my subconscious is showing me this, what's the next step I need to take? Cool. That's what I asked for. So it's showing me what's the next step I need to take. And with these little steps and little hints, you will start to move through comparison and it will stop being so Emotionally driven for you.

It will stop being so much in the amygdala and kind of having that emotion behind it and you will start to be more logical with it. And this is where this roadmap comes from, especially with those three points that we talked about before identifying the projection. You know, what exactly am I noticing?

Finding the limiting belief from what's stopping you from having [00:18:00] that and then embodying it now, we can really start to see this roadmap. Now, the last thing I want to talk about is identity and I've kind of talked about it as we've gone, gone through today. There, there's a real difference between someone who lets comparison hold them back and someone who uses it as a launchpad.

And I can see both. I see both people and there is a big difference because they've already decided who they are. The people who don't let comparison hold them back have already decided who they are, who they're becoming, what that looks like for them. And the biggest reason you're stuck in comparison right now is because your subconscious identity hasn't caught up to where you're going.

Because your subconscious will never let you create a reality that goes against [00:19:00] your core identity. This is why people sabotage at that next level. This is why the next level mindset work is literally at the core of everything I do. Because it is about that self concept. If you don't see yourself as a leader.

You will resist visibility. If you don't see yourself as wealthy, you will block financial growth. If you don't see yourself as one of the best, you'll compare yourselves to those who do. Identity always wins. So when you're caught in that constant comparison, ask yourself, what part of me still identifies as not good enough?

What part of me doesn't fully believe I belong at the level I desire? Because I promise you, the people who you're watching, the ones who almost seem a bit untouchable, the only thing, the only difference with them and you [00:20:00] is that they've already decided they belong there. It comes so much down to self belief, to that identity work, to that identity work, and really starting to shift in that.

Now whether that's shifting with the future self visualizations, you know, seeing yourself as the version who has made it, the confidence, the ease, the impact, really Creating safety in that, whether it's making decisions from that identity. What would my next level self do? How does that look? Or, shifting from, why not me, to, of course me.

Of course. If I see it in them, it's already meant for me. And I want you to be that as a new standard. That's what I want you to have as your new standard. Comparison isn't proof that [00:21:00] you're behind. It's proof that you're next. Your subconscious is showing what's meant for you. Your brain is scanning for what's relevant to your future and your only job in all of this, it is actually deciding that you belong there now.

So next time comparison creeps in. Hear my voice, don't let it shrink you, let it expand you, because if you're seeing it, it's already on your way to you. It's already on the way. Use these tools, use these techniques, and start to use comparison as a subconscious roadmap of what you need to work on. And if you want more support on that, you know where I am.

You've got this, I love you, and I'll see you in the next episode. I love to see you plugging in and listening to the podcast every week. So, whilst you're here, I would love for you to spend a moment sharing your favourite episode, reviewing the podcast, and of course, [00:22:00] ahem, that juicy 5 star rating. These little acts of kindness really help the podcast reach more incredible powerhouses just like you.

Now, if we're not connected on Instagram, add me at underscore RebeccaHayden underscore, and for the full show notes and more resources, head over to RebeccaHayden. com. I'll see you there.

More about The Subconscious Expert:

Welcome to The Subconscious Expert, the podcast where your subconscious becomes your one-way ticket to the mind-blowing results you desire in your life and business! I’m your host, Rebecca Haydon, The Subconscious Expert who went from being stuck in victim mode to a multi 6 figure business owner. Each week, I will be giving you the subconscious tools and techniques so you can become the woman who is living out her vision with a life and business that she is truly OBSESSED with. I have said it before, and I will say it 100 times again: "Your business can't outgrow your mindset, and if you want to grow your business, it always starts with growing your subconscious." So let's dive into the subconscious breakthrough you so deeply deserve!

Rebecca Haydon