Breaking Free From the Self-Doubt Loop [ep.143]
Hello lovely lady and welcome to Higher Self and I!
Are you tired of being stuck in the self-doubt loop? The one that tells you it won't work, you'll fail, and your dreams will never come true? So how about we break you free from that self-doubt so you can step into your full potential? Did I hear a hell yes?! Let's do it, baby!
Today, we're going to explore the subconscious perspective of the self-doubt loop. I dive deep into where those negative thoughts originate and how they hold you back. We'll look at self-doubt from the neuroscience perspective to understand why our brains have a negative bias and how it affects our ability to reach our business goals. Plus, I'll give you practical strategies on how to overcome self-doubt and step into your higher self. No more comparing yourself to others or waiting for your turn.
It's time to break free from the self-doubt loop and create the life you deserve!
Topics covered on Combating Decision Fatigue in Business:
Exploring the self-doubt loop and how it can hold you back from success.
How does the negative bias in your brain affect your perception and memory?
The role of subconscious beliefs in the self-doubt loop and how they are formed in early childhood.
My self-doubt loop and how it kept me stuck in my business.
How can you rewire your brain to adopt new beliefs that serve your business growth?
Becoming aware of our self-doubt loop patterns and getting curious about their origins.
What is negative bias and how does it impact your personal life and business?
Balancing our perspective by consciously focusing on positive experiences and practicing gratitude.
Embracing the self-doubt loop as a universal human experience and using it as fuel for growth.
Connect with Bec:
Quote:
"Your success begins in your mind." - Rebecca Haydon
"We're not eliminating the self-doubt entirely, but we are learning how to manage it, and we're learning how to use it as fuel for growth." - Rebecca Haydon
Transcription: Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!
[00:00:00] Welcome to The Higher Self and I your go-to podcast that will release you of your victim mindset and become your one-way ticket towards the mind blowing results you desire in your life and your business. I'm your host, Rebecca Haydon. Mindset and business mentor ready to help you unlock your mindset into gear and empower you to step into the person you always knew you were meant to be.
[00:00:37] A badass, c e o, who is here to claim her fricking millionaire life. Ready to find out what life could be like if you just did the thing. Let's go baby. Hello, gorgeous lady. Welcome back to Higher Self. And I have, I got the episode for you today because today we are diving into this won't work. You'll fail, you'll be disappointed.
[00:01:02] Who are you kidding? This is never gonna happen for me. Oh yes. We are diving into the self-doubt loopy Lou, because no one wants the self-doubt loop, do they? And I know. I freaking know, not only because I was there for many, many years myself, but I see it so often in the entrepreneur space who you are really trying to grow your business, grow your dreams, make your dreams, become your reality, and that self doubt loop.
[00:01:36] Is triggered by the fear of failure and imposter syndrome and comparison and throw in anything else in there. But we know it to be the self-doubt loop and a lot of the thoughts that come with this. Such as This isn't working, this will never happen for me. You'll fail. Who are you kidding? How are they doing it?
[00:02:01] And I'm not. When's it gonna happen for me? When's it my turn? All of these very. Full stop questions, right? This won't work. Full stop. You will fail. Full stop. They're very solidified within the self-doubt loop, and I don't want them to be there for you anymore. So if you are in that broken record that keeps playing, if you are being triggered, By the fear of failure or the fear of success, or a bit of imposter syndrome, or you are constantly comparing yourself right now, or you're just sitting here being like, well, it's happening to them and it's not happening to me because lo and behold, that was one of my biggest ones.
[00:02:44] Then you are in the bloody right place today. Yes you are. Because we are gonna have a look at this from a subconscious perspective, which is gonna be all about where you took those self-doubt thoughts. On from. But we're also gonna have a look at it from a neuroscience [00:03:00] perspective today, because there is actually something that I wanna speak into today that really starts to show us why this self do self-doubt loop.
[00:03:11] Try saying that quickly. Self-doubt loop is happening to us, and that is because our brains have a negative bias, which actually means we're wired to pay way more attention to and remember. Negative experiences or thoughts, which really helped the little caveman back in the day when we had to, you know, survive.
[00:03:36] But in today's world, it's holding you back from reaching your full potential, and I do not want that. So let's start with the power of the subconscious beliefs, because we know that that's where it's at, baby. Really looking into that subconscious belief right now within your self-doubt loop. So what I first want us to do is I actually want us to really understand where this is coming from because it's not about your business really.
[00:04:07] Yes, it is. It is in your business right now, and it's because of your business right now, and it's being triggered by business scenarios and situations right now. But I would guarantee that something's happened to you. Potentially between the ages of zero to seven, if you've listened to me before, you know that that's when we take on our biggest beliefs.
[00:04:26] But something's happened where your negative bias, which we're gonna come onto in a moment, has taken that horrible example, that scary experience, that thing that you tried to do, that it didn't happen, and the kids all laughed at you. You've taken that on and you've created a very ingrained self-doubt loop that keeps now looping because it's so ingrained in your subconscious, and we need to become really consciously competent of changing this because that is the only way we're going to do it.
[00:05:06] And we know that our subconscious beliefs drive our actions and decisions way more than we realize 95% of the day. And like I said, your thoughts and your belief like these beliefs are going to be formed in, in the early, early stages of your life, and then create a filter. Through actually, which we see ourself in the world.
[00:05:29] So if you grew up hearing messages like be careful, don't take risks, it's probably likely that that's actually affecting your entrepreneurial journey right now because your subconscious mind is seeking evidence to confirm your existing beliefs. I'm gonna say that again for the people in the back. Your subconscious mind seeks.
[00:05:52] Evidence to confirm your existing beliefs. So if you believe you'll fail, if [00:06:00] you believe that it won't work, if you believe. The, this is never gonna happen for me if you believe it's happening for everyone else and not for me. Your subconscious will look for ways to prove yourself. Right. And we freaking love being right as humans.
[00:06:16] How good is the feeling when you're like, I was right? Oh yes, I was, you know, the told you so the told you so dance where you're like, oh. Well, I told you it wouldn't work and it fucking hasn't has it, so woo-hoo. However, the good news is the that just as the negative beliefs took root, they're not even negative, but those limiting beliefs that took root, we can.
[00:06:41] Change them. Neuroplasticity baby. We can change them. So what I want us to do to start off with is a really understand which self-doubt loop thought is the biggest for you. So, like I said, bit of an example, for me, my biggest was, it's like, how can it be happening for everyone else and not for me? And this was a, this really was.
[00:07:11] A thought that goes way, way, way back to my dancing days and. I was at a dance festival pretty much every single weekend of my God life. Constantly with my makeup on my blue and pink eyeshadow. Yes I did. It used to go one stripe of blue, one stripe of pink, one stripe of blue across my eye. Don't ask me where we got that from, but I used to have it with every single costume and every single outfit.
[00:07:41] That was my makeup back in the day of those days. If you weren't first, you were not winning. So actually, if I came second, third, if I didn't even get placed or I didn't even get a medal, someone else was before me. And this happened a lot in my life because that was the belief that I was coming from. You know, I always had my best friend who was prettier than me.
[00:08:08] So I thought that was, um, So I believed, and that was would, uh, that the boys would fancy more or that my friend used to get the jobs over me or parts over me, or whatever that was. It seemed to be like a common theme that ran through my life that I was always kind of second best. And when I came into the entrepreneur space, I would then look at other people and go, For God's sake, like it's happening for them.
[00:08:35] Like again, here I am like, oh, well it's, it's easy for them. It's happening for them. This is what it is for them and it won't happen for me. And that was my biggest ingrained thought that I actually worked on first. So I want you to have a look now. We've kind of opened the doors to the self-doubt loop.
[00:08:51] What is that strongest belief that is taking you into the self-doubt loop? So if we had a domino. [00:09:00] If we set up a line of dominoes, what would be the first domino that hits you into the self-doubt loop? If you've got a pen and paper, go and write it down now, or even just pop it in the notes, in the notes app on your phone just so you can like really see and understand it.
[00:09:17] Maybe just do like a conscious stream or a subconscious stream of thoughts within the self-doubt loop. And if you don't know what it is, maybe catch yourself. Next time you're in it and go, wait, hang on. What was the thought that took me into this? Because there's going to be a trigger, and that trigger is going to be the first thought that takes you into the loop.
[00:09:38] We need to know what that first thought is in order to stop the loop. So once you've got that, what I really want you to understand is that you can start changing it, and you're gonna have to really think about this. It's gonna have to be very, like I said, Conscious within your thoughts and within your day that we no longer go into that loop.
[00:09:59] We no longer play that strategy. You no longer go into the self-doubt loop that takes you away from you achieving your business success. So find out what that one is first, because this is where I really want to start to talk about negative bias. So it refers to the tendency of. Us as human beings giving more weight and attention to negative experiences, emotions, and kind of information.
[00:10:33] So we feed the negative experiences and, and emotions and. More than we feed the positive ones. So in other words, our brains are naturally inclined to focus more on negative aspects of a situation and negative aspects of events. And this helped, like I said, with our ancestors', survival, you know, depending on being able to quickly identify and respond to the potential threats and the dangers and the tigers and the lions and whatever else it was, they were more attuned to the negative stimulus that were around them.
[00:11:13] Like I said, the pres, the predators, the hazards, the. They were more likely to survive if they were attuned to the negative stuff that was going on around them because we were in survival mode. However, what's happened is that's been passed down and passed down and passed down and passed down, and now we still show up to our life as if the lion is standing outside our front door as if someone with a.
[00:11:42] Stick is going to come and get us in the night we show up to our life like that. Right? But we don't need to anymore. I don't think there's gonna be a lion outside your door. I freaking hope not. If it does, it'd make the news so. I wanted to go through a [00:12:00] few points through a few key points so you can understand negative bias, because it's just gonna help you understand why that belief is becoming so big and so weighted and so heavy in your business right now.
[00:12:17] So, The first thing is the negative bias has an impact on our perception. So the way we perceive an event, the way we see an event, and this always shows when I do timeline therapy with my one-to-one clients, because within timeline therapy, we pick the belief that they want to get rid of. I do a lot of work from a somatic point of view before we go in.
[00:12:43] So really connecting to their body where the belief is, how strong it. Feels color, shape, size, texture. Then when we go back into the belief, they're almost going back into the belief, but as the person that they are now. So I would go back into a belief of me being seven years old, and I would see that from the 31 year old that I am now, almost like I'm watching a movie, and that's exactly what I say to them.
[00:13:08] I want you to imagine that you are watching this as if you are watching a movie of yourself. As soon as we get in there. They, yes, they can feel the emotions that were provoked within that and it feels, it feels heavy for them. They can see the belief that they took on, but as soon as I get them to go above the event, which is part of the timeline therapy that I do, they start to actually see and perceive the event to be different.
[00:13:38] Because they're looking from their older self eyes, their 31 year old eyes that know a lot of different things now than they did when they were seven. And we have the analytical mind as well, so, The perception that we have around a lot of these beliefs is usually probably not what actually happened, because negative bias actually influences how we perceive and remember events.
[00:14:09] So for example, if you have received. A hundred compliments and one singular criticism, which one of you might, uh, are more likely to remember? You are gonna dwell on the criticism, right? You've got a hundred compliments and one criticism, but that's the fucking one that you'll remember because the negative bias influences how we perceive, and we remember the events.
[00:14:40] So you are gonna go to that criticism, oh no, I'm gonna ignore the hundred of compliments that I've got this evening on this thing that I've just achieved. And I'm gonna focus on that one criticism and I'm gonna dwell on that. And then I'm going to go into the self doubt loop because that's how I roll [00:15:00] and that's what happens.
[00:15:01] So it the negative bias, which is what you are in when you are in that belief. First of all, it's impacting on your perception of what actually happened. Number two, that happens with negative bias is that it actually has an emotional intensity. So negative emotions often have a stronger impact on us than positive emotions.
[00:15:28] Now, I don't see negative and positive, but for what we're talking about right now, I'm just putting it like that so you can understand our emotions. They're not good or bad, we just feel them in different ways. Anger feels different to happiness and there is no good or bad. Anger is not good. Happiness is not bad.
[00:15:48] Anger isn't bad. Happiness isn't good. Like there is no good or bad emotions. We should feel every one of our emotions and I really. Get my clients to feel them because not only when we are changing the beliefs from a subconscious perspective in our neural pathways of our brain, we also have to change them within our body too, because they lodge in our body.
[00:16:09] The emotions do so. If you are trying to like, um, have this like, oh, well that's a good feeling, so I'll stay in that good feeling, or that's a bad feeling, so I've gotta get out that as quick as I can. No, feel it. Get yourself to really understand how it feels to feel that emotion. You will really start to move through it quicker anyway.
[00:16:30] That's for another podcast. But negative bias has that emotional intensity. Because a single negative event can have more of a profound and lasting effect on our mood compared to several positive events. So actually that's what makes it most like most, that most intensity because of that, and that's why we remember.
[00:16:58] Those more in our subconscious. You know, our subconscious mind is a hard drive. It does not forget anything. However, consciously I, if I said to you what happened on August 23rd, 2018, you wouldn't be able to remember. I mean, maybe it was a significant date for you, but it wasn't a significant date for me.
[00:17:19] I would not have a bloody clue what I was doing unless I scrolled back on my archive and my stories, but, If it was a negative day or something happened, a, a car crash or something, you know, huge happened in your life, that that profound and lasting effect would really sink in that belief. So they have it.
[00:17:42] Negative bias brings the emotional intensity. So what you can start to see is the negative bias around this. It really starts to affect a lot of things in our business. It it, it plays a role in social interactions. You know, if [00:18:00] we. If we receive negative information or experiences we stand, we tend to have a stronger impact on our judgment or our attitudes towards other people.
[00:18:09] We can have that negative bias kind of come into our internal dialogue. We tend to be more critical of ourselves or, you know, really start to reflect on our failures and our mistakes. And then the self, the self-doubt loop comes in. If you look at the media, if you look at the news, how many good stories are on the news?
[00:18:32] Absolutely zero. I don't think I ever see, and I really noticed that when I moved back to the UK because Australia just didn't have this, like this scarcity. Heaviness about it on the news or in Australia in general? The uk, the media and the news has negative bias all over it because it grabs people's attention.
[00:18:58] Negative news, stories, disasters, conflicts. They're gonna tend to receive more coverage. Than the positive stories. And that's how they do it. And I feel like the UK is probably the worst for that because they grab our attention straight away. They make us worry. You are constantly fed that loop. You know when, when me and Jack Gotti first got together, he would constantly watch the news and I could not bear it.
[00:19:22] I do not have the news or anything. I don't. I don't wanna know. I don't want it in my life. And I, I told him about it once, and I don't think he's watched it since. He just scrolls Twitter to see what's going on now. But really you can see the negative bias to grab your attention. So the thing is, Is that, yes, negative bias is a natural tendency of ours and it's been passed down through the caveman, but becoming aware of it can actually help us balance our perspective.
[00:19:53] So you can consciously start to focus your experiences and you know, practicing gratitude and changing that self-talk and counteracting the bias so you can start to change. Your glasses of the, of the negative bias that you're having within your business right now. Change the glasses to something that is going to serve you better, because we know that that self-doubt loop is doing absolutely nothing to help you bring in your business dreams and your business goals and your life goals.
[00:20:27] Right now. We know that it's having absolutely no effect on you moving forward. In fact, it's having the opposite effect. It's keeping you exactly still where you are. So, A side note on the, on the, on the negative bias, but I wanted to, to kind of dive into it just to give you a bit more of an understanding.
[00:20:45] So once we've got the belief that we know, your subconscious mind now needs to seek evidence to confirm that that existing belief, right? So if you believe you fail, If you believe that you're always gonna fail, your subconscious will look for [00:21:00] ways to prove yourself, right? So right now you are feeding the belief and then you are feeding your Raz, your reticular activated system.
[00:21:08] You are feeding that to then go and look for evidence to prove that to be true. So we need to understand that. The brain is neuroplastic, gives us hope, right? We can change it. I've changed many, many, many, many thoughts of many, many clients. I actually said that the other day. I wonder how many timeline, therapies and how many clients, um, Beliefs I've broke through since I've been doing this, and I've been doing it since 2019.
[00:21:37] So I'm gonna, I'm gonna hazard a guess. It's quite a lot. Um, but the neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to reorganize itself. And we form new neural connections, which means that we can rewire your brain to adopt a thought pattern that is going to serve you better. It's gonna serve you better and. One of the easiest ways to do this is one awareness.
[00:22:05] So start becoming aware of those self-doubt loop patterns. Like I said, keep a journal, get it on your notes, and, and get it down whenever they, whenever they pop up, every time, get it down so we can start to understand which one's the strongest. Number two, we then start to get curious so you can get curious with these thoughts and.
[00:22:31] You can ask yourself questions such as, okay, is this thought based on actual facts? Is it the perception that I have of when I took this thought on, um, is it my thought? Is it someone else's that I've been fed? You know, really start to get curious. Do I actually believe this? One of the things that I used to get my clients to do was to put a question mark at the end of their beliefs.
[00:22:56] This won't work. You'll fail. You'll be disappointed and actually instead of this won't work to a question of this won't work, it opens up an opportunity for your higher self, for your conscious self to be like, well, yes, it actually could work. One, because there's evidence that it's worked for other people.
[00:23:19] It. Two, because of this, three, because of this, four, because of this. And you can start to challenge and get curious of those thoughts. Once we do that, that's when we can start to shift the thought to service better. So yes, affirmations are gonna be good with this. However, if that belief is ingrained, I would probably say working with a coach such as myself to do the timeline therapy with that is gonna be very helpful.
[00:23:45] But all I say to my clients is, Find the next best thinking thought so write that old thought. That self loop. Self-doubt loop. I really can't say that. That self-doubt. Loop. [00:24:00] Write that thought down and then ask yourself. If I was to just think just a slightly better thought than that, what thought would that be?
[00:24:08] And start to reaffirm that. So we've got the awareness, you're gonna get curious, and then you're gonna shift to the thought that serves you better. Literally a simple 1, 2, 3, a, b, c, domi. And then we can start to really start, uh, see. Ourselves showing up with that new belief. A lot of the time when we're moving to a belief that that serves us better, I use the words of I am learning too.
[00:24:35] So let's say for instance, you've got a belief of this won't work. You've written that down. It's a 10 out of 10. It feels really strong. The next best thinking thought might be, I'm learning to believe that this could work. Now, this isn't going from, this won't work to this is working because your subconscious is not gonna believe that.
[00:24:59] But we've gone from this won't work to, I am learning to believe that this could work. That's a much more open and better thought for you to be thinking in your business, your learning. We, we as humans, love to learn that it could work. Ooh, that's curious. I get to actually see how it could work. So start to shift that.
[00:25:22] So as a female entrepreneur, if you're listening, you are hardworking, you are driven. All of the traits are there, and it's actually time to align yourself. With your accomplishments, you've already achieved so much. And remember, self-doubt is a fricking universal human experience, and even the most successful entrepreneurs face, face it honestly.
[00:25:48] So it's not. We're not eliminating the self-doubt entirely, but we are learning how to manage it, and we're learning how to use it as fuel for growth. So your success begins in your mind, and when you understand the neuroscience behind self-doubt and the subconscious beliefs which we've done today, you really truly have the power to reshape your entrepreneurial journey.
[00:26:14] And if you want help doing that, you know where I am. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Drop into my dms. If you've had any aha moments, I would love to hear and I will see you next week. Your love and support means the absolute world to me with this podcast. So if you have enjoyed the episode today, Please make sure that you are sharing or reviewing or even rating the podcast because it allows me to get into more ear rolls.
[00:26:42] Now, if we are not connected on Instagram, head over and add me at underscore Rebecca Haydon underscore. Come and say hello. I'd love to see you there and I will see you on the next episode.
More about Higher Self & I:
Higher Self & I is the podcast for ambitious female entrepreneurs who are ready to achieve and sustain mind-blowing results in their biz. It’s a show that will release you of your victim mindset and give you complete freedom and energy to jump into the self you always knew you could be. Each week, Rebecca Haydon will help you lock your mindset into gear and empower you to step into the person you always knew you were meant to be – a bad-ass CEO who is here to claim her freaking millionaire life!