Are You Addicted to Struggle in Your Business Without Even Knowing It [ep. #178]
Hello lovely lady and welcome to Higher Self & I!
Are you unknowingly addicted to struggle in your business? It's a sneaky habit that can hold you back without you even realising it. Now it's time to shake off that victim mindset and step into your power as a badass CEO!
In today's episode, I'll dive deep into why we get addicted to struggle in business and the mindset work that's essential for breaking free from this cycle. I'll share my personal journey of overcoming my addiction to being a "hot mess" in business, and how this pattern is more common among business owners than you think. We'll explore the comfort zone of struggle, the fear of success, and the identity crisis that can come up when you want to change.
Plus, I'll reveal the strategies that have helped me and many of my clients to let go of that struggling business owner identity. Get ready to break free from the chains of struggle and embrace the CEO you're meant to be.
Topics covered on Are You Addicted to Struggle in Your Business:
Why might you be subconsciously resisting the very change you desire?
How can you recognise if you're unknowingly addicted to struggle in your business?
Identifying your comfort zone patterns that keep you addicted to struggle.
How can you adopt a new identity that serves you better?
Finding out what you are really gaining from staying addicted to struggle.
How can you let go of the addiction to struggle and move towards your higher self?
Connect with Rebecca Haydon:
Quote:
"I was addicted to being a hot mess without even knowing it." - Rebecca Haydon
Transcription: Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!
[00:00:00] Welcome to The Higher Self and I your go-to podcast that will release you of your victim mindset and become your one-way ticket towards the mind blowing results you desire in your life and your business. I'm your host, Rebecca Haydon Mindset and business mentor ready to help. Let me help you unlock your mindset into gear and empower you to step into the person you always knew you were meant to be, a badass CEO who is here to claim her frickin millionaire life.
[00:00:43] Ready to find out what life could be like if you just did the thing? Let's go, baby! Hello, gorgeous lady, and welcome back to Higher Self I. Today we are talking about a topic that keeps making its way into my one to one containers. And it's usually when we're doing a lot of deep identity work, when we're doing a lot of work on shifting out of an identity that you've got.
[00:01:10] And I'm going to be speaking about that because that was literally, uh, I'm going to be speaking about that because that was literally, uh, The struggle that I was stuck in for quite a long time, kind of addicted to being a bit of a hot mess in your business without even knowing it. And I see this pattern time and time again, because you have got so accustomed to playing from that identity.
[00:01:46] You've got so accustomed from kind of being in that struggle. That it feels really alien to move out of it. It actually feels really uncomfortable to not have that in your life. To not have the struggle, to not have the worry, to not have the overwhelm. And it was something that I always used to say, and me and my mom were exactly the same with this, is like, I used to worry when I didn't have things to worry about.
[00:02:13] Like, I, I'm like, wow, I'm not worrying right now. Like, I'm not. Let me find something to worry about, because it was so ingrained in my subconscious, in my subconscious programming, that I had to worry, that I had to be worrying about something. And I see this when it comes into business, kind of being addicted to, um, Keeping yourself in the struggle because you're actually probably, and this is what we're going to be going through today, getting something from it.
[00:02:44] You're actually physically getting something from being in the struggle, from being in the victim part, from being in the overwhelmed, from being in the anxious. Whatever feeling you resonate with the most, please go with that today, but I'm going to be using the [00:03:00] word struggle because it's a lot of the time the word that I hear my clients use.
[00:03:04] And most of the time. The pattern that we see, the pattern that I see, shows up in a lot of external things that you're doing. So, maybe it's like excessively focusing on the amount of people watching your reels, or focusing on story views, or focusing on, again, all the things that are not working. And things that actually are not going to bring in the big books, that are not going to move the needle forward for you.
[00:03:37] So it's almost looking at and whining about the surface level things that's keeping you addicted into the struggle. Maybe you spend too long filming a certain thing, or re editing and re editing and re editing videos, or maybe just writing content in general because it isn't good enough. That repetitive cycle and usually procrastination is going to keep you in the addiction to the struggle.
[00:04:06] And the, what I see most of all with this is because it is just an identity that you have been behaving from. It's an identity that you have been playing from for a while. So for me, I. I, I think I've probably done a podcast episode on this, but I used to be like addicted to my struggling coach story.
[00:04:28] Like I used to love being like, Oh, I've got to invest again because it's still not happening for me. It's, I'm still not where I want to be. I'm still in the struggle. And yes, great, get the help and move through that if you need to, but actually it was coming from a place of that I was kind of addicted to it, I was kind of addicted to talking about it, I was, I was addicted to being in the struggle, and I wouldn't allow myself to see what it looked like without the struggle.
[00:05:02] Now, there's a couple of things that are going on from a subconscious point of view, and I'm going to have a look both at subconscious and the neuroscience today, but from a subconscious point of view, there's three main things that I see going on. First of all, it's, you're literally stuck in a comfort zone.
[00:05:20] You're literally stuck in a comfort zone of doing what you've always done. I'm gonna speak into each of these in a moment. The second thing I see is a lack of knowledge of what the new identity is. So because I had never experienced, well, I'd never allowed myself to experience something that wasn't the struggle, I found it really hard to connect to the identity of who I was, the business owner I was, the Becky of who I was, Without the struggle.
[00:05:52] So it was a huge kind of identity crisis almost to moving out of that. And then the last one, which I did [00:06:00] a podcast on not long ago is the fear of success, really having that, um, really having the nerves or the, you know, Inability to move into success because of the fear of it. And actually, so I'll just keep myself in the struggle.
[00:06:18] I'll just keep myself repeating these patterns. This is not you. This is your subconscious, by the way, which it basically avoids you facing those fears. So let's go through each of these. So the first thing that I see, like I said, with being addicted to the struggle in your business is that comfort zone.
[00:06:34] And that's only because we are creatures of habit. So we find so much comfort in in familiar patterns and we find so much comfort in them even if we know logically and consciously that they're detrimental to us. We will carry on doing them because not only do they feel comfortable but we Almost get pleasure out of that particular pattern, and the comfort zone will lead you to subconscious resistance to change.
[00:07:09] Now, change is a given thing with any human. It's the only thing that we all go through. Change, you know, we have to go through change. It is A thing that we have to go through. I don't know how else to say it, but actually, when we are in a position that feels familiar to us, e. g. being in the struggle, you will cling on to that.
[00:07:33] You will cling on to that with all your might, even though you know logically it is not serving you. It is not serving your goddamn business. It is not serving your bank account, and it is not serving your happiness. But because it's that comfort for you, because it's something that you're so familiar to, you will stay in those familiar patterns.
[00:07:54] So the first thing I want you to do today, if you are kind of feeling a little bit called out here in this, in this here podcast, is I want you to look at the The comfort zone of the struggle, the comfort zone of the victim, the comfort zone of the overwhelm, the comfort zone of the worry, insert whatever word kind of resonates with you around this, and I want you to have a look at the familiar patterns that happen around that.
[00:08:22] And a lot of the time you probably won't be aware because your subconscious is doing such a bloody good job at keeping you safe right now. It's keeping you in the patterns. So for example. When I was in the struggling, the kind of struggling coach, when I was in my struggling coach era, my struggling coach story, I would find that I would have all of these huge plans.
[00:08:47] I would have all of these things that I wanted to achieve. This is kind of back in Australia, but I would just constantly go back into Voxer and speak to my clients, because I was [00:09:00] like, okay, that feels too big, that feels too scary, that feels, no, okay, let me just go and do something that feels really comfortable for me.
[00:09:06] And I would just revert back to that. So much so that I had to put big boundaries up about Voxer, not even to like, Have boundaries with my clients, which I do and so fantastically, but to have boundaries with myself, because I was using that as a procrastination method to keep me in the struggle, because everything that I had planned that I knew strategically, if I followed through with it.
[00:09:31] Would take me out of the struggle, probably would make me more, more money in the business. Probably would help me sign more clients. I would do anything but that. So I want you to start to see these familiar patterns in this comfort zone right now that you currently are staying with, that you're currently kind of.
[00:09:50] Applying to your day to day behaviours, and it usually does show out in behaviours. Obviously our thoughts and feelings are the first thing to kind of take us into the pattern, but from a position where you're not working with a coach one to one like myself, You will be able to see the more in your behavioral patterns, in the things that you're doing day to day.
[00:10:13] So what do you find yourself procrastinating with? What's your procrastination destination? Like all of those things to really see. Oh, okay. This is another comfort zone. This is another one that I'm going back to. This is something that I don't really need to be doing right now. I don't need to be creating content for eight hours a week.
[00:10:36] Like it can look different and I'm procrastinating on that because I know if I actually was to sit down and do the content really quickly, I would have more time to work on the business and the things that I want to grow. Ta da. So I want you to just have a little look at the comfort zone that you're currently in, what's currently going on with that.
[00:10:54] The second thing to look at is really the identity. And I did this with a client the other day. We were having this exact conversation, and kind of where this podcast has spurred from, where we were having the conversation around the fact that she was getting this, um, Pleasure out of being addicted to the struggle.
[00:11:16] And the first thing that I said to her was like, we really need to see, and we really need to understand, and we really need to get to know the identity of you without it, because a lot of the time we're moving into new identities, we're moving into a new way of being, a new way of doing, a new way of thinking, but actually we're not very clear on what that looks like.
[00:11:39] And actually The struggling entrepreneur, the struggling business coach, the insert, whatever phrase you're using for this podcast, usually that's so deep within our identity, you've made that such an identity basis for you that removing that, you're like, well, who the fuck am [00:12:00] I? What do I do when I don't have the struggle?
[00:12:03] What do I do when I'm not in worry? What do I do when I'm not in overwhelm? What do I do when I'm not worrying about my finances? And it's almost that we're, it's that part, it's, it's such a big part of our identity that we actually once removed. Of course, the subconscious won't let you shift identities.
[00:12:22] Of course, the subconscious won't let you do different behaviors because it doesn't know what that looks like and that feels scary to it. We want the path of least resistance for the subconscious mind. So actually, what is the version of you? The successful business owner or the multi six figure business owner, whatever you want to call it, whatever you want to call, uh, that identity.
[00:12:45] Who is that? You know, this goes back to the Higher Self stuff that I used to do all the time with my clients. I used to get them to do a little mind map, the little cloud mind map, and I used to get them to go, okay, who is that? Who are you without the struggle? Who are you without the worry? Who are you without the anxious or anxiety of your business?
[00:13:07] And it, you really, really get, you need to get to know her because if you want to move away from that, Something has to come in place, something else has to take over. We don't want to let go of the, of kind of like the struggle, and then we're like floating in thin air of like, what do I, what do I do now?
[00:13:27] Who am I now? Like, who am I without this struggle? And this is a lot of secondary game work, which I've spoke about a lot in many podcasts before. Before, but with secondary gain, we actually get something from staying in a certain state and although it's quite a hard pill to swallow, secondary gain and kind of looking of like, what am I getting from actually keeping playing this pattern?
[00:13:51] A lot of the time we are actually getting something from it. Like we are getting what we think is attention. We are getting what we think is love. We are getting what we think, you know, there's lots of things to it. And actually, with my struggling coach story, and I've spoke about this before, I used to get a tension.
[00:14:08] Because it meant that I could spiral out of control, it meant that I could stamp my feet and wag my hands and go, it's not working, it's not working, it's not working, and hope that my coach would feel sorry for me, or, Again, give me attention. And actually, I had to see within that equation of like, okay, so I'm currently doing this pattern.
[00:14:29] I'm currently in the struggle because I'm getting something from it. If I wasn't getting anything from it, I wouldn't be bloody doing it. And a lot of the time with my clients, I always look at the secondary game because The reasons why you do things, good or bad behaviours, is because you're getting something internally from it.
[00:14:47] So what was that? For me, it was attention. So I had to look at, okay, there is a healthy version of attention. There is a healthier way that I can get attention. There's [00:15:00] a healthy way that I can really tap into that need of mine, because it is a need of mine and that's okay. And I would never make that a bad thing, but actually what I then started to see is instead of being in the struggle, instead of being in my struggling coach era to get attention, what I could actually do is I could be really bold and really visible and standing really in my power online.
[00:15:30] That gave me attention, but in a much healthier way, because it was coming from the fact of like, well, I'm just going to be here, and I'm going to say what I want to say, and I'm going to say how I want to say it. Things like my podcast, you know, that, that gives me the attention, that fill of attention that I need, but it is in such a healthy way that One, I'm not looking for it.
[00:15:52] Two, I'm not needing it. And three, I'm not craving it. It comes, it comes from it and it's very, it's a very healthy form of attention for me because again, it's just one of the things that I need as a human. And so looking at that identity, who is that identity? What is that new equation? Have a look what you're getting from the struggle.
[00:16:14] Have a look what you're getting from the worry. Have a look what you're getting from staying in the same fricking place, because you're just going around in circles right now. And I don't want you to do that anymore. So really having a look at where that is and what that is for you as an equation. Then start to ask yourself, oh, okay, what does it look like instead?
[00:16:33] How does it feel instead? Who do I want to be instead? Like, who am I without the struggle? Because a lot of the time you won't know. Because that's all you've known. And that's okay. And it might be all you've known since the day you started your business. So we have to create a new business identity.
[00:16:54] Really get to know the identity of you without it, to move into it. And that's when you can start looking, okay, we've got the kind of internal shift now with the identity. Now let's have a look at what are the behaviors of that person? What are the behaviors? How does she show up for her business? How does she plan?
[00:17:14] How does she think? How does she act? How does she show up for clients? How does she put herself forward for things? And yes, of course, there's always gonna be struggle, overwhelm, worry, all of those things. Like, we're always gonna have to deal with those as human beings. Like, that's just life. But actually, when we know what identity we're in, it then starts to become something else.
[00:17:42] You start to get curious. Okay, whoo, I'm feeling a bit of resistance around that. Let me get a little bit curious. And you shift through it really quickly, that bounce back ability. And then the last thing is the fear of success, baby. And a lot of the time, they're kind of big goals, the big [00:18:00] dreams, the big things that we're reaching towards.
[00:18:03] In our business and for ourselves and for our lives, for the people around us, for our bank account, whatever, whatever it is for you, that's going to bring new aspects in and I, and actually getting to know the identity without the struggle will probably help you move into the, into the success quicker anyway, but really having a look at like, why am I addicted to the struggle?
[00:18:28] Like, what is, what feels so, uh, heavy or what feels so Scary to me when I actually move into that. And I, again, have spoke about this before in the way of like, I used to feel that if I fully stepped into my higher self identity, that I would be, what did I used to say? I would be even more powerful than I could deal with myself.
[00:18:57] Like if I fully stepped into that higher self identity, The power that I would have, the way that I show up, would feel even too much for me to deal with, let alone everyone else. And I used to have that belief, and I used to carry that belief around. But really, it was just a protection. Of course I would be able to deal with myself.
[00:19:18] Yes, I'd be powerful, but fucking hell, I'd be able to stand in it. And I know I would. So it was a protection mechanism that was coming in and the fear of success again, is literally a protection mechanism. So having a look at that and really looking into what's going on for you. Around that too. So if you have resonated with some of the things that we've got going on in today's podcast episode, if you find yourself almost staying in victim mode, like being addicted to that, being addicted maybe to the attention that it gives you, just like I was, um, addicted to things not going the way that you want, I'll told you so.
[00:20:02] Well, I knew that would happen. It always happens to me. I'm just like, it always happens to you because you made it happen to you. Like that is, that is literally what's happening within your reticular activated system is because that's where you're focusing. And yes, I get it. Some things in life happen to us without bringing, without us bringing it to us.
[00:20:24] But a lot of the time in our business, you've got a lot of control over that because you are literally at the helm. You are at the wheel. You are the business owner. So have a little think, have a little ponder. Of where this is happening and what's coming up. So number one, staying in your comfort zone, really get to know those familiar patterns, what's coming up, how does it feel?
[00:20:48] Um, what are you repeating again and again and again that you know is no longer serving you and just ask the question, you know, what am I getting from constantly repeating these? What am I getting from, what do I think I'm going to [00:21:00] get from constantly repeating these patterns? Secondly, have a look at that new identity.
[00:21:05] So for you to let go. Of the struggling business, um, struggling business owner identity or addicted to the struggle identity. There has to be a new identity for you to step into. We don't want to leave a big hole and a big void because then we're flapping around anyway. So really have a look at what is that new identity that you want to step into and start doing some work around that, what sort of behaviors.
[00:21:31] Traits, thoughts, feelings, actions, all of those things and kind of start putting those into your day to day. And then lastly, have a look at the protection mechanisms that's happening. The only reasons why you're staying in the patterns or you're staying in the struggle, you're kind of staying addicted to that is probably because of the fear of success.
[00:21:54] And probably because it's like, wow, if I actually do that. It might actually work, or if I actually do that, maybe it won't work, and how would I deal with that? You know, there's so many things that come up from that. That's a whole new podcast episode on its own, but really having a look into that too.
[00:22:14] Let's not stay addicted to the struggle. Any longer than we need to. And like I said, yes, there is going to be struggle. There's going to be, you know, business is hard. Let's not, let's not put a bow on it. Like you have to show up for yourself and you have to get curious as to why things aren't happening, are happening.
[00:22:33] Like we want that curiosity, but we want it to come from a place of sheer curiosity and sheer working it out rather than, well, of course that didn't work. Yep. That always happens to me. Count me in, you know, we don't want it to come from that place. So really having a look around that is going to really help you step through that.
[00:22:55] I'll see you on the next episode. Bye. Your love and support means the absolute world to me with this podcast. So if you have enjoyed the episode today, Please make sure that you are sharing or reviewing or even rating the podcast because it allows me to get into more ear holes. Now if we're not connected on Instagram, head over and add me at underscore Rebecca Haydon underscore.
[00:23:24] Come and say hello. I'd love to see you there and I will see you on the next episode.
More about Higher Self & I:
Higher Self & I is the podcast for ambitious female entrepreneurs who are ready to achieve and sustain mind-blowing results in their biz. It’s a show that will release you of your victim mindset and give you complete freedom and energy to jump into the self you always knew you could be. Each week, Rebecca Haydon will help you lock your mindset into gear and empower you to step into the person you always knew you were meant to be – a bad-ass CEO who is here to claim her freaking millionaire life!