Your Success Doesn’t Have to Make Sense to Other People [ep.157]

12 Dec

So, buckle up, gorgeous, and get ready for an episode that's all about writing your own version of success, no matter how unconventional it may seem to others. Tune in now!

Topics covered on Your Success Doesn’t Have to Make Sense to Other People:

Have you ever felt held back by the fear of your unconventional success because it doesn't make sense to others?
My journey of moving to Australia and then back home to the UK.
How to handle criticism and self-doubt when pursuing your dreams?
Finding out what your ideal version of success looks like, free from societal expectations and norms.
Exploring a passion or interest that you've kept hidden because it doesn't align with conventional expectations.
How to learn from people who have achieved success in an unconventional way?
How can you apply these lessons from unconventional successes to your own life and business?

Journal Prompts

Reflect on a moment in your life when you pursued a goal or dream that may have seemed unconventional. What motivated you to take that path, and what did you learn from the experience?
Consider a time when you faced criticism or doubt from others regarding your choices or aspirations. How did you handle it, and what impact did it have on your journey?
Imagine your ideal version of success, disregarding societal expectations or norms. What does success look like for you when you remove external influences?
Explore a passion or interest that you've kept hidden or haven't fully embraced because it doesn't align with conventional expectations. How might incorporating this into your life contribute to your sense of fulfillment?
Think about someone you admire who has achieved success in an unconventional way. What qualities or approaches did they embody that you find inspiring, and how might you apply those lessons to your own life?

Resources mentioned:

Open House: The CEO Edge

Related episodes:

Connect with Bec:

Quote:

"Our success, our desired reality, it doesn't have to make sense to other people. And it is okay to not make sense to other people." - Rebecca Haydon

Transcription: Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!

[00:00:00] Hello, gorgeous lady. Welcome back to Higher Self and I. I am doing a little bit of a different type of podcast today. It's actually going to be led by journal prompts. I'm gonna speak into the journal prompts, and then I'm gonna let you go away. I'll put the journal prompts into the show notes. But really, discover what is coming up from the journal prompts that's gonna allow you to really let go.

[00:00:25] of this belief and that is the, that is the belief that your success and what you want to go on to do And what it might look like to other people is going to stop you from doing it And I think a lot of the time Our success, our desired reality, it doesn't have to make sense to other people. And it is okay to not make sense to other people.

[00:00:52] And there's gonna be criticism, and there's gonna be self doubt, and there's gonna be judgment, and there's going to be remarks, and there's gonna be little digs, and there's gonna be people coming in and out of your life, and there's gonna be people leave, and there's gonna be people Going to be people come back, but equally at the end of the day, these are your desires.

[00:01:17] These are your desires. And this is what you have dreamt about your whole life. And to let these people get in the way of that is not something I am here for. And so I thought I'd make a podcast episode on it because your success does not have to make sense to other people. Your success doesn't have to make sense to anyone else but you.

[00:01:44] And you can lead yourself in that success, and you can lead yourself to the desired realities that you want, without allowing those people to get in the way. Oh yes, because I think the way we do things in this industry, the way that we have doors opened to us in this industry, the way that it is very different to any other industry I know, it does bring in some lack of safety, and it definitely did for me, you know, I talked about this in the podcast.

[00:02:20] I can have it all, and I know that resonated with so many people. I've had my friends say they're triggered by me. I've had people leave my life. Um, I've had people leave because I've put more boundaries in. I've really lost a lot of friends I had before I went to Australia. And that's okay. You know, that's their choice, and that's my choice, and that's okay.

[00:02:47] But I have to know that... That was the decision that I made, and that was the decision that they made, and it had no story on me. And yes, [00:03:00] if it had a story on me, I will face it, and I will face the music, as I did to a couple of friends when I got home, because I was that in fight or flight that I couldn't comprehend anyone, let alone friendships.

[00:03:14] And, you know, a couple of my very good friends. on that and we had a conversation and I told them why and they understand and we move on. So I take, I take responsibility for the decisions that I'm making. But equally, I don't have to take their story on as mine. I don't have to take their perception on as mine.

[00:03:34] I don't have to take their limitations on as mine. And I'm talking across the board, friends, family, whoever else you're in contact with, old clients, you know, whoever else. It blocks this for you, of you needing it to make sense for other people. And I think this, the reason why I wanted to speak about this so much is because it's come up for me so much.

[00:03:59] With, especially wanting to grow a following. You know, subconsciously I've been holding myself back from growing a following because of the fear of judgment, because of the fear of the keyboard warriors, because of the fear of what happens to the general public, especially over on TikTok, that anyone can feel that they can say anything to anyone.

[00:04:19] And I know that that's their perception of the world, and that is on them, it is not on me, but equally, I need to feel safe enough to grow an audience to be able to handle and deal with those types of comments that could come my way. But, at the end of the day, it does not need to make sense to any other person, and what you want to go on to achieve, you don't need to make it make sense.

[00:04:47] So, let's dive in. The first thing that we're gonna do today is we're gonna reflect on a moment in your life where you pursued a goal or a dream that may have seemed a bit unconventional to the average Joe, whatever the average Joe is for you. So I want you to reflect on a moment in your life where you pursued a goal, where you went after a dream that may have seemed unconventional.

[00:05:18] Now, first of all, what motivated you to take that path, and what did you learn from the experience? So, for me, the first thing that I always think about when I ask myself this question is Australia. Me moving to Australia, it seemed very unconventional to unconventional? Unconventional to a lot of people.

[00:05:42] A lot of people questioned it. A lot of people had their own beliefs and their own thoughts on it. A lot of people were shocked. A lot of people were this. A lot of people were that. But actually, I knew in my soul, I knew that this is something that I have to go and try and [00:06:00] I'm a feel the fear and do it anyway kind of gal.

[00:06:02] I will always put myself in experiences or places or do big things because, you know, what's the point in life if we don't do that? That's my, that's my view anyway. And There were so many comments, there were so many things about the relationship, about the other side of the world, about how close I was to my family, but I was like, this makes sense to me, this feels good for me in this moment, and therefore I am going to do it.

[00:06:32] And that's what motivated me to do it, you know, I was at a point in my career where I'd left the performing arts industry, And I was teaching dance, which, yes, okay, I enjoyed, and I loved the kids, and I loved the place that I taught dance at, but I'm not here to teach dance for the rest of my life, like, that's not what I saw my life to be, that's not what I saw my career to be, and actually, I've learned from the experience of Australia that it helped me build the business that I have now, and although Australia is off the cards for me now.

[00:07:03] I mean, I still have my permanent residency till 2026, so, who knows? But, you know, Australia's off the cards, and the relationship didn't last. But, oh my god. Like, I was meant to go to Australia to build my business. I was meant to go to Australia to find mindset. I was meant to go to Australia to uncover the world of the subconscious mind and how frickin epic it is.

[00:07:27] And how it will go on to be part of my life. For the rest of my life. And I learnt from the experience that you have to throw yourself into these things, you have to go into these things and go, you know what, this feels really scary, but what is the worst that could happen? When I was going to Australia, I played the fear till the end.

[00:07:45] Okay, if I get there and it doesn't work, what do I do? I buy a plane ticket home. And rethink my thoughts, you know? Really play in the fear till the end, and it made me learn that even though it feels scary, and then even though every single person around me was like, what the fuck are you doing? It was the best decision of my life.

[00:08:09] Hands down. The next best decision of my life was moving home. Ironically. But I would say they're on par with the best decisions I've made in my life. Weird, right? But both of those, you know, the same as pursuing the goal of moving back and falling in love with Jack. That was unconventional to a hell of a lot of people.

[00:08:30] I lived in Eastenders drama for about four months. It was not pretty. It was not pretty. My nervous system was not happy for a long time. I had to do a lot of work. Maybe that's another podcast episode on how to keep your business running when life is happening. Um, however, it mot what motivated me to take that path was the decision that I wanted to make was the decision that I had made so deep within my body.

[00:08:59] And [00:09:00] what I learned from that experience, I learned a hell of a lot, probably not something we get into in this podcast, but first things first, your first journal prompt on it doesn't have to make sense to other people is reflect on a moment in your life where you pursued a goal or a dream that may have seemed unconventional.

[00:09:17] What motivated you to take that path and what did you learn from that experience? And what we're doing with this question just as a little bit behind the scenes subconscious, is we're actually creating evidence that it's okay to take unconventional paths, that it's okay to step outside the norm, that it's okay to do something different to what other people did not agree on.

[00:09:40] A lot of people didn't agree with me moving to Australia. They had their thoughts and feelings, but I did it anyway, and wow, look at the safety that it created around it. So we're creating safety around you already doing things in your life that have been unconventional, that have been something that other people probably won't do.

[00:09:59] And what did you learn? You know, what came from it? Next thing. Next one. Consider a time where you faced criticism or doubt from others, other people, whoever that is for you, regarding your choices or aspirations. How did you handle it and what impact did it have on your journey? So, I will talk about me coming back from Australia with this one, because I faced a hell of a lot of criticism for the choices that I made.

[00:10:33] I faced, um, a hell of a lot of doubt from different parties of the decision. And... How did I handle it? I handled it like a motherfucking adult. I handled it like the conscious, curious person that I am. Because I've done enough work on myself now, I've done enough work on my behaviours, I've done enough work on my beliefs, to be able to handle it.

[00:11:00] And one thing for me is that, thank God I learnt how to be emotionally intelligent, for me... to face that criticism and doubt. And the more emotional intelligence I build, and the more emotional intelligence that I help my clients to build, the better we are with dealing with criticism and or doubt. And I handled it.

[00:11:21] It had a massive impact on my journey. There was times when we were going through the breakup where Part of the breakup party would get their friends to come over to my social media and put a load of comments on all of my Instagram posts and check my stories and screenshot my stories. I was being watched like A hawk.

[00:11:45] We were being followed by the minions, and we and I had to keep an eye on that. But I still showed up. I still showed up for my business. It was as as a decision that I made that felt so true and so ingrained in me that I needed to do [00:12:00] it, that Jack was the love of my life, that we were going to be together forever.

[00:12:03] I was so focused and knowing of that in me that I could deal with the criticism, I could deal with the doubt. Was it nice? No, it wasn't nice. Was it enjoyable? Absolutely not. Did I cry? Yes, I did. Did I live in fight or flight for a while? Yes, I already did. But did I handle it? Hell yes. Does it make an amazing podcast episode?

[00:12:29] Hell yes. So it had an impact on my journey. Of how I show up for myself, and what I make that mean, what I make other people's situation and other people's emotional intelligence mean about me. What stories of theirs am I taking on? What stories am I putting in place for me? And this is my decision, this is why I've made it, and this is what I'm gonna go on and do.

[00:12:54] And standing in that power, standing in that decision, and being able to have the uncomfortable conversations and be able to be called every name under the sun, knowing that it's on them. That is their, that is theirs to deal with. And I can take full responsibility, exactly did that, I took full responsibility of what happened throughout the breakup.

[00:13:17] However... I didn't need to make it mean anything about my character, about my personality, and I think that's the emotional intelligence kicking in for me. When people, um, really judge my character wrong, I'm Of course, you're very quick to snap back. Of course, you're very quick to try and retaliate, to try and tell your story.

[00:13:40] This comes back to, you know, the big wide world web, and people presuming and perceiving things about you. Like, if I know, and if I love myself enough, and if I trust myself enough, people can say whatever to me, but I know that that's not the truth, and I don't need to try and explain to them. I don't need to try and tell them.

[00:14:01] Like, I saw a quote, and this was the first quote that I posted with a picture of me and Jack, that's saying, It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, as long as it makes sense to you. And carrying that throughout, that's what I learned. So, number two.

[00:14:22] Consider a time when you faced criticism or doubt from others regarding your choices or regarding your aspirations and the success that you want or wanted at the time. How did you handle it and what impact did it have on your journey moving forward? You know, it grew me immensely as a person.

[00:14:43] Boundaries grew immensely. The way I showed up for myself grew immensely. The way I took things on. And then went on to not take things on grew immensely. I learned a lot about myself during that. Number three. I want you to imagine your ideal version [00:15:00] of success, and I want you to poof away, disregard all of the, the expectations from society, or the norms, or the normal amount of money, or the expectations of family, or the expectations of friends.

[00:15:17] What does success look like for you when you remove the external influences? What does success look like for you? Play into this question. I know it's such a cliché journal prompt. I know it's such a cliché question, but sometimes when we remove the, the generational patterns, or the societal expectations, or the norms that we feel we have to fit into, what does that success look like for you?

[00:15:49] What does it look like for you? Get really clear on that. The next thing, I want you to explore a passion or an interest. I've put this in because this came up in the CEO Edge, um, in phase one, my group course. It came up in one of the questions here and they were talking about the passion that they had for their clients.

[00:16:09] But I was like, no, the passion that you have in your life. So explore a passion or an interest that you've kept hidden. Or haven't fully embraced because it doesn't align with the conventions of your people, the people around you in their life. The conventional expectations. And I want you to ask yourself how might incorporating this into your business and into your life contribute to your sense of fulfilment.

[00:16:42] So when we are speaking into our passions, you know, one for me is the performing arts. And I have conversations about this all the time. I know I sing on stories a couple of times and sometimes I sing to the podcast, um, . Uh, I've done a lot of work on the performing arts industry. I don't feel ready to go and sing yet, but I do miss, I do miss dancing.

[00:17:05] I really do. And I've been having conversations about how bringing this back into my life, especially tap dancing, tap dancing was my forte. If you want to watch a video of me tap dancing, just DM me the word tap dancing, I will show you a bloody good video, but, but yeah, so tap dancing is such a passion of mine.

[00:17:25] Um, that. I haven't fully embraced online because I kind of don't know where to fit it within my business. It's not the fact that it doesn't align with conventional expectations, but now I say it out loud. It probably is because I'm like, well, no one else is bloody tap dancing their strategies out of stories all day, so.

[00:17:43] It's coming up with a way of doing it. Maybe I become the singing coach on YouTube or something, I don't know. But, actually, filling into that and showing that, how can that give me a sense of fulfillment? You know, for me... A passion is having a stage. That's why I come here. That's why I have this stage of my [00:18:00] podcast.

[00:18:00] That's why I use my Instagram as my stage because it gives me that sense of fulfillment whilst also growing my business and making and having a lot of clients in my space. So yeah, have a little think about that. Next question is more of a modeling question. Think about someone who you admire who has achieved success in an unconventional way.

[00:18:26] I feel like there is many people in the industry who have achieved success in an unconventional way. What qualities or approaches did they embody? That you find inspiring, and how might you apply those lessons to your life? So think about someone who you admire, who has achieved success in an unconventional way, what qualities or approaches did they embody that you find inspiring?

[00:18:59] And how might you apply these lessons, those lessons, into your life and into your business? Such a powerful, POWERFUL question to finish on. Because that modelling, what I spoke about in a couple of episodes back, I'll, I'll link the episode in, um, What I spoke about modelling with that, modelling has been one of the biggest techniques that I've used to move into the next level.

[00:19:27] One of the biggest techniques that I've used to continue success happening for me. And I think if you can look at people that you admire and how they're doing it unconventionally, and how they're leading the way, and how they're winning in their success, and how they're pioneering, and how they're paving the path for me.

[00:19:44] What qualities and approaches did they embody? So for instance, my coach at the moment, you know, she, the qualities that she embodies is, I've never met someone as confident as she shows up online. And I know that we are two very different people and we'll show up in two very different ways, but that confidence is Really deep.

[00:20:05] Really, really deep. So I've really been working on how to bring that more into my socials. How to bring more of that into how I speak about my wins. How I speak about the business. How I speak about where I'm going. And fully own that. You know, exactly like the title of the podcast episode. It doesn't have to make sense to other people.

[00:20:26] The whole topic of this episode. So really having a look at... What they embody, and how they do that, and how they show up for themselves, and how you can apply those lessons into your life. Because, quite frankly, it does not have to make sense to other people, and I hope I've got that message across today.

[00:20:47] Looking at the normals, looking at the conventional, looking at the things that you're trying to slot yourself into, into that little safe container, when we're here to make moves. We are here to make moves. So I'm excited [00:21:00] to see what happens after you've done these journal prompts. If you want to share with, them with me in the DMs, please do.

[00:21:06] I always love to see the findings out of what you're going through, especially with prompts that I give you. And I love this, this little style of podcast episode. I might bring another one back like this. So I hope you've enjoyed today's episode. I love you all and the journal prompts will be in the show notes as well.

[00:21:21] Mwah! Bye!

More about Higher Self & I:

Higher Self & I is the podcast for ambitious female entrepreneurs who are ready to achieve and sustain mind-blowing results in their biz. It’s a show that will release you of your victim mindset and give you complete freedom and energy to jump into the self you always knew you could be. Each week, Rebecca Haydon will help you lock your mindset into gear and empower you to step into the person you always knew you were meant to be – a bad-ass CEO who is here to claim her freaking millionaire life!

Rebecca Haydon

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Hello lovely lady and welcome to Higher Self and I!

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