What to Do if an Old Pattern Keeps Repeating [ep.133]
Hello lovely lady and welcome to Higher Self and I!
In today’s episode, I talk about something that I know many of my 1:1 clients and members of The Higher Self Society struggle with - old behaviour patterns or old limiting beliefs that keep coming back.
Have you ever found yourself doing mindset work, breaking through your limiting beliefs, having “aha” moments, understanding your behaviour patterns, feeling so proud of yourself, seeing all the progress you’ve made, and then… Out of nowhere, that old annoying pattern shows up! How is that even possible? You worked through it already so why it keeps repeating?
I know firsthand how incredibly frustrating that can be, but the good news is that 1) (you probably won’t believe this) it’s actually a sign of growth! and 2) there's a way out.
Join me as I share why old behaviour patterns keep repeating even after doing subconscious work, practical tips and strategies for breaking free from these old patterns once and for all, how to reframe your frustration into a celebration of awareness and use it to fuel your growth, and much more!
Topics covered on When Old Behaviour Patterns Keep Repeating:
How to turn your old behaviour patterns or old beliefs into opportunities for growth?
What questions can you ask yourself to uncover hidden layers behind these old behaviour patterns?
Why is it important to consciously practice new beliefs and habits?
How can you overcome the habit of defaulting to old behaviour patterns or old beliefs?
Steps you can take to build a new path and diminish the old one.
What role does conscious competence play in building new beliefs?
Using visual cues to reinforce new beliefs.
What is secondary gain and how can it keep you holding onto old behaviour patterns or old beliefs?
Identifying what you're getting from holding onto an old belief.
How can you let go of old behaviour patterns or old beliefs that no longer serve you?
Quote:
“When you notice self-sabotaging behaviors or an old belief has come back, it's actually a reminder of how far you've come.” - Rebecca Haydon
“Self-awareness is the first step to change.” - Rebecca Haydon
Transcription: Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!
[00:00:00] Hello, beautiful lady. Welcome back to Higher Self and I, I hope you're well today. I am. Very, very excited to dive into today's podcast episode, and quite frankly, I feel like I start the podcast exactly the same every single week saying that I'm very excited, but I truly am. And I have just put a poll up on my stories, and this has been the most voted podcast episode out of the four that I put up.
[00:00:25] So, I know that this is one that you really do need, and today we're diving into what to do. If you notice an old pattern, an old belief, an old story, behaviors keep repeating and repeating, and I know how frustrating this can, this can be. Quite frankly, I go through this myself, so I'm speaking from experience because you are doing the work like you're showing up for yourself.
[00:00:59] You are breaking through the beliefs, you are having those aha moments where you know the penny drops and everything makes sense to you, and it makes sense as to why you are doing the things or why you're doing the behaviors or why you're having the thoughts. Maybe even you've done timeline therapy. If you are one of my one-to-one clients, Or you've worked on other mindset techniques with, you know, E F T or hypnotherapy, um, maybe something else, some, some other form of mindset work, and you're like, oh my God, yes, I have got it.
[00:01:33] Like, I understand why I'm doing this. I know actually where the belief is coming from. Woohoo. Celebrate, have a party, and then a day later or a week later or a month later, you find yourself back in the pattern and you're like, for God's sake, I have worked through this. Like what is going on? Like. Why can't I let this go?
[00:01:58] Or why can't this leave me alone? Or why is this pattern coming back again? And I really wanna speak into this today because there's a couple of reasons as to why that's happening, and I wanted to let you know, one, you are not on your own with this, and two, it's just because it is so ingrained in your mind.
[00:02:21] And because you've probably had the thoughts that you're breaking through, you know, if you're working with a coach right now, um, if you're doing a lot of mindset work right now and you are working through these beliefs, some beliefs are so strong for my clients. Like we have beliefs that come up time and time again.
[00:02:39] However, it's at a different level. Every time it comes up. Maybe it's not as strong as it was last time, or maybe you are seeing it in a different light as you did last time. Maybe it's a different way of feeling into the belief as it was last time. But with, there's always more to uncover, which I know people hate about the subconscious mind.
[00:02:59] [00:03:00] We will never stop doing the work. You'll never get to the point where you're going, ha, I'm fixed. All done like it. We'll, we'll never get to that place. Um, and that's okay. Like that's the, that's the beauty of working on yourself. That's the beauty of the subconscious mind. That's the beauty of creating a space where you can be the highest version of your yourself.
[00:03:22] And if you are constantly aware of these thoughts coming back, that really is actually a celebration to have. And I kind of want you to reframe it because I know right now it's more frustration. And more frustration of like, I have fricking worked on this. I have worked through this. I have Vox Becky at least 70 times about this belief and why is it coming back?
[00:03:46] And it's just like this sheer frustration. And then the frustration takes. You into really judging yourself and being like, you know what? Like why can't I let this go? Or why does this keep coming back for me? And it's that constant like questioning yourself and actually put in a lot of pressure where the pressure doesn't need to be.
[00:04:06] So there's a couple of things that I wanna go through before I actually go into how to physically once and for all let go of the pattern. And that is just a bit of a reframe for you today. So if you are resonating with this so far and you're going, yes, I have been in this frustration. In fact, I'm in this fricking frustration right now.
[00:04:26] Becky, tell me, please tell me what to do for me to stop using and bringing back this old belief. The first thing that I want you to see as is actually a growth opportunity, because when you notice. That maybe self-sabotaging behaviors have come back, or an old belief has come back, or, um, a way of thinking or behaving has come back.
[00:04:52] It's actually a reminder of how far you've come. Like, I want you to actually celebrate that, to be like, wow, like I've actually broken through that belief. And yes, I know it's rearing its ugly head right now, but it's an opportunity to understand the pattern better. It's an opportunity to understand the pattern deeper.
[00:05:12] It's an opportunity to make. Even greater progress to make even stronger new neural pathways, even stronger new behaviors and habits. And actually want you to see it as like, wow, like I am growing, like I am growing as a human. Like I'm growing as a person. I'm growing into the person that I truly want to be.
[00:05:36] So that is the first reframe that I really want you to step into. If you are having these old patterns come back, it might not be happening all the time. It might, but just be like once every couple of months it pops, pops back up to say hello. Um, but just see it as the growth opportunity. You know, it's, you are noticing the self-sabotaging belief.
[00:05:55] You are, you are kind of, it's actually playing out as a reminder of how far you've [00:06:00] come. The second thing that I want you to remember is how self-aware you are now. Because previous to you working on that old belief that that's popping back up or previous to you working on that old pattern or habit, you weren't aware that you were doing that.
[00:06:18] You weren't aware that that was all consuming you. You weren't aware that that was taking over you and your bigness and your dreams and your goals and your plan to make this life your reality. Like that wasn't awareness for you at that point, but because you've. Worked on it because you've done the work on yourself for that belief and because now you can see actually how it plays out, or actually what it feels like, or actually how it shows up in your external reality.
[00:06:53] Oh my God. How aware you now are. We've brought it into the reticular activated system. It is now in the R. You understand when it's showing up, and actually that is a fricking celebration to be had because the self-awareness is the first step to change. So if you are actually aware that this old pattern is coming up, that is something to congratulate yourself by because it could be showing up and you're not even aware and you're going along your daily life being like, why am I being held back still?
[00:07:22] Why do I constantly keep. Sabotaging myself. Why am I still procrastinating on this? But if you are asking those questions and you are like, actually, I know why it's this old pattern. You are actually recognizing that behavior, you are recognizing it, and that's a testament to the heightened self-awareness that you now have around that pattern.
[00:07:44] And it shows that you are actually attuned to your thoughts and attuned to your actions and attuned to what you don't want, attuned to the beliefs that you no longer believe, and you know you have the power to transform them because you've done it before. You've done it before, so that means that we have evidence that we can keep working through this belief.
[00:08:06] And the last thing, which is what I'm gonna go on to speak about for the rest of the podcast, last little reframe, is that you've actually, when it's popped back up, you've probably uncovered some hidden. Layers. Just like I said, there is always the next little layer to go and I talk about this, um, with regards to the Harry Potter Hawk crooks and you know, how like they, you know, through the last episode, it's so hard for them to actually demolish this.
[00:08:38] And I always see that as like a very strong belief. So, you know, like Ron's having a go. And Harry's having a go and Herion is having a go. Like everyone's trying to destroy this one belief and, and actually like it does take time to let go of a belief that you've held for a long time. I. You've thought it again and again and again [00:09:00] for maybe 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years of your life, and you are just expecting it to go in one timeline therapy, like it doesn't happen in that way.
[00:09:11] And actually giving yourself grace and going, you know what, okay, this is coming back. Maybe there's something else that I need to look at within this belief. Maybe there's another side of this belief that I wanna look into. And actually, when these old patterns resurface, I. There's a chance to go deeper.
[00:09:28] There's a chance to go deeper, to understand it more, to understand maybe where else it's coming from to explore it, to to understand you. And that is something that I just find so powerful to see, especially when I'm holding space for my clients, especially in a longer term, you know, mentorship that I have even my three months, six months.
[00:09:52] Even better because I have six months worth of time with my one-to-one clients. But even in a three month container, I really start to see, yes, these old patterns keep playing, like keep popping up. But every single time we're like, boom. Okay. What's it coming up for now? Boom. Okay. What's it coming up for Now we are delving deeper.
[00:10:11] We're getting, I'm getting my clients to understand themselves more, to understand where their belief is coming from more. That is just so, so powerful. So those are a couple of little reframes if you are in that frustration camp of like, why the hell is this coming up again? I've already worked on this.
[00:10:31] Like, why are you still here? Don't get angry at it. Get curious, get excited that there's actually like another layer to delve into. And actually every time we dive into a layer, we let that layer go. Every time we dive into a layer, we let that layer go. Every time we dive into a layer, we let that layer go.
[00:10:51] You are just starting to really let it evaporate into thin air because that's what we're doing when we're working on the beliefs. So just see it as an opportunity. See it as an opening to go deeper. See it as a way of getting to know yourself more, of getting to know the belief, more, of getting to know that part more, and that's really what's going to take you into getting rid of it quicker.
[00:11:16] Um, It's really gonna help you let it go. Let go of it quicker because you're not holding on so tight. So let's have a little look at why the beliefs might be coming back up. Because yes, we've got this reframe and you're like, yes, okay, BEC, I get it. Take it as a growth opportunity. I'm here for that. But equally, how the hell do I let it go?
[00:11:38] Like how the hell do I. Stop bringing this pattern in. Well, the first thing I want you to actually have a look at, and you might, the cogs might be turning right now, and you might be like, okay, like I'm really clear that this particular pattern keeps showing up. And what I find with the particular patterns is that it always goes back to that one very clear limiting belief.[00:12:00]
[00:12:00] You know, I have a client, one of my six month clients at the same limiting belief has come up at least four times for us, whe when we've been working together. She has. Oh my God. The way her business has changed since we've been working together, not only from, um, Not only from a financial aspect, but from the way she shows up from the clients that she's attracting, she's changing her whole brand.
[00:12:21] She's really stepping into her bigness, her power. But this belief has come up three or four times, and every time it shows up in a, a different way, from a different angle, from a different perspective. You know, almost like having that one point, that one belief. Then you've got like lots of different angles that you can come at to that one belief.
[00:12:43] So it shows up in different ways and every time she knows that it's that belief. And we can go in and we can dive in. So the first thing I want you to ask yourself is actually getting really clear on what part of you, like what particular part. Keeps bringing this pattern back up. Is it my victim part?
[00:13:04] Is it my overwhelmed part? Is it my frustrated part? Is it my angry part? Is it my, I'm not enough part. Is it my punishment part? Is it we've got lots of different parts that can show up and, and show these beliefs? You know, parts work in tandem with each other. We've got tag teams of parts going on, left, right, and center.
[00:13:26] So actually what part is bringing that belief back up for me? And really get to know what's triggered it to bring it back up. Is it the same thing that triggers it every time? Is it the same habit that triggers it every time? Is it the same scrolling through Instagram that brings it up every time? Is it the same time of the month?
[00:13:46] Is it probably something to do with your cycle and where you are in your, in your cycle? Like where is it coming from? And then ask them, okay, what do you want me to know? Have a little chat with that part of you. What do you want me to know? Like thank you so much for bringing this back into my awareness Again, thank you so much for showing me that there's actually something else that I can dive in deeper here.
[00:14:11] What do you want me to know from bringing this back up? What are you keeping me safe from? What are you protecting me from? What is that for you? Really diving deeper into that and getting to know that part on a level as if they were your friend, as if they were your child. Again, it's part of your inner child that's showing up to protect you.
[00:14:33] It's just coming from she love. It's coming from, she like, oh my God, this feels scary. And look, I've let you go quite far this time. Look, I've let you hit 10 k. I've let you grow your following. I've let you speak to higher caliber clients, but it feels a little bit too much now, so I felt like I had to come back in.
[00:14:55] It could just be that reach of that next level, that edge that [00:15:00] it's showing up from, and, and then it's freaking out. It's like, okay, well I got really used to the 10 K, but now you want 20 K? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've gotta show up. Now I have to rear my ugly head again and really ask them what that, what they want.
[00:15:14] Like what is the safety behind that? How old do they think that you are? Tell them how old you are now, and tell them what you know to be true. If you've done work on the belief before, you've probably got evidence of you breaking through the belief and then doing something that the belief didn't let you do before.
[00:15:32] Show them the evidence, bring it up on the screen. Be like, Hey, look what we've done since we've broke through this belief. We're going to be okay. Trust. Trust me, I love you. Let's do this together. I don't want you to go anywhere, but I want you to help me rather than hinder me. So what? What role could they play now?
[00:15:50] How could they show up and help you now? That's the first thing that I want you to have a look at. The second thing that I find when it comes to a belief playing in again or coming back constantly is sometimes it's not actually the limiting belief. Sometimes it's habit. Now, if you think that. Every time you get in the shower, you put the sa, you put your shampoo in the same hand, and you do your shower routine every single time, every single shower that you have.
[00:16:25] Okay. You know that you've just played your shower routine in your head and you've gone Yes, Becky, I do do the same thing in the shower every single time. Now, if I was to come in, let's say that, that your shower routine was your old limiting belief. Okay? So we've worked on your shower routine, we've changed your shower routine.
[00:16:45] Now you're having to put the shampoo in the other hand. So you're having to put it in your left hand rather than your right hand. You are not going, you are not going to do shampoo, conditioner, wash your body, wash the sh, wash the conditioner off. You're not gonna do that. You're gonna do something completely different.
[00:17:01] Now, first of all, you've had many showers in your life. I do hope so. You are so used to playing the same shower routine every single time. So if I've come in as your coach and I've said, right, we're gonna do something a bit differently moving forwards, so. That's gonna be quite hard to change. That's gonna be really consciously having to be thought about for you to step into.
[00:17:29] And you are gonna have to really think, oh yes, okay. I remember Becky said, we're gonna do it this way, ins. This is the way that I've gotta do it. Instead, now it's gonna take thinking. And actually sometimes if you're tired or if you're overwhelmed or if you're in a rush or if you're just in your subconscious, you are gonna get into the shower.
[00:17:52] And guess what? If you're not thinking about it, you're gonna do your old shower routine. And this is what happens [00:18:00] with beliefs because the beliefs that we're putting in the new beliefs, the beliefs that serve you, the beliefs that make you and allow you to move into your higher self, because we've put that into a new, that's new for you.
[00:18:13] It's a new way of thinking. It's a new way of acting. It's a new way, new behaviors, new habits. If you forget or stop thinking or you're tired or you are overwhelmed, The subconscious will go to the path of least resistance and the path of least resistance is the old belief. Because it's so ingrained.
[00:18:35] It's so ingrained in your subconscious. You know how I always talk about the, the beliefs being a path in the wood? It's so well trodden. You've gone down there a thousand times, you know exactly how we play it out. Now, when we've put a new belief in, it's a new wood, it's a new path, and we have to remind ourselves, oh yes, okay, yes, I'm going down that new path today.
[00:18:56] So if you are not conscious with the new belief, If you haven't got post-it notes up, reminding yourself of the new belief. If you haven't got your alarms on your phone, reminding yourself of your new belief. If you haven't got your hypnosis track actually responding to your subconscious mind, or you actually being conscious with that new belief, guess where it's going to go?
[00:19:16] Because it's habit. You habitually go into your old thoughts. So sometimes if a pattern keeps repeating, it's because you are not being consciously competent at that new belief. You are not thinking and going, no. No, no, no. I don't think this way anymore. I'm going to this path now. This is the path that I walked down.
[00:19:44] This is the belief that I have. You have to be consciously competent at something before it can become subconsciously competent. You didn't get in your car and drive straight away. The very first time you got in the car, it was horrendous. I remember my mom holding onto the door like for dear life. But now I get in the car and I don't think about it at all because it's subconscious.
[00:20:09] So you need to give yourself a chance. You need to bet on yourself to go, okay, I've just got rid of this old belief with my coach, or with Beck or whoever you are working with, with yourself. I've just got rid of that old belief. Okay, I'm gonna bet on myself that I'm gonna be conscious with the new belief I'm bringing in.
[00:20:30] Because sometimes we have actually got rid of the old belief. In fact, a lot of the time I will say to my client, okay, why is this coming up again? And they're like, I don't bloody know. It's because it's habit. So it's not actually the belief, it's the habit that you have around the belief, and that's up to you to change it.
[00:20:47] I can't help you do that. I'm not with you every day. I'm not watching you like a hawk. Even though some people, and some of my clients think that I do, you know, I'm not there with you day in, day out every minute of the day. [00:21:00] So you need to make the conscious effort to choose the new belief. And the more you choose it and the more that you stop taking yourself to the old path and start taking yourself to the new path.
[00:21:11] Every time you do that, you are building the new path stronger and stronger. And what will happen is the path, the new path, the new belief, new habits, new behaviors will grow and grow and grow. And the old will diminish. And diminish and diminish to the point of that you live. Subconsciously from that new belief.
[00:21:30] And yes, the old belief is there and you probably might be able to tap into it if you really think about it. But because you've diminished it and diminished it and diminished it and diminished it, it's no longer well trodden and it's no longer somewhere you want to go and you've built that new belief.
[00:21:44] So just remember, if you are doing subconscious work, Especially if you are working with me one-to-one, as I know clients are listening right now. Hello my love. Um, you are gonna have to really remind yourself of the beliefs that we're breaking through. It's not good enough to just look at the email that I sent you with the belief that's there and go, oh yeah, we worked through that.
[00:22:04] I remember that Becky did timeline therapy. She's a magician. She's waved a magic wand and I don't have to think about that again. It doesn't work like that. We have to make sure that we are really practicing these new beliefs. You wouldn't imagine to not play the piano on day one and be amazing at the piano.
[00:22:20] Day two, you put the work in, right? You show up to the piano, you practice the same two notes time and time again until you've got that in your brain. It's exactly the same when it comes to the subconscious mind. Repetition, repetition, repetition. That's what allows us to move through this. So, Woo. We went deep there.
[00:22:43] Keep building the new pathway to be stronger. Whatever you need to do, if you're a visual person, if you forget quite quickly, make sure you've got things in place that actually allow you to do that. The last thing I wanna talk about is secondary gain, and sometimes we go back into an old belief because that old belief used to give us something that we miss.
[00:23:11] That old belief may have give you a lot of attention, and I know that was true for me. You know, I would constantly go back to my victim belief because when I played victim, that's when I got attention. When I played victim, it allowed me to moan, which gave me attention. And actually the more I let go of my victim, the more freaked out I got because I was like, oh my God, where the hell am I gonna get attention from now?
[00:23:37] And actually I was keeping that belief. I was keeping my victim belief because of it, because I was getting attention and secondary gain. If you've not heard of that before, it refers to kind of like the additional benefits that you get from maintaining the belief. If I keep onto this belief, I'm gonna get, [00:24:00] I'm, I'm gonna get the attention that I want.
[00:24:01] Or if I keep onto this belief, I'm gonna get the love that I want. Or if I keep onto this belief, more people are gonna help me out. Or if I keep onto this belief, more people are gonna feel sorry for me. So actually it might be the last point of what are you holding onto it for? What are you getting from holding onto it?
[00:24:25] And that is a tough question. That is a hard question to look at for yourself, and it was really hard for me to face to go, oh, I'm keeping my victim mentality, because if I don't have it, my subconscious mind thinks I'm not gonna get attention. And if I don't get attention, then I'm not loved. And that's why I kept it for so long, because why the hell would I get rid of having attention and being loved?
[00:24:52] And actually it's teaching the subconscious mind that, hey, I get to be loved no matter what. And maybe if I get attention in a way that's so powerful for me and powerful for other people giving me the attention, wouldn't that be better? So really have a look into what are you actually keeping the belief for what's under there.
[00:25:17] That's tough. It's tough to look at, but I know you're brave enough to look at it. So I hope this podcast episode has given you something to go away and think about. Something to go. Okay. I get it. I now understand why this pattern's coming up. It's not something I need to be frustrated at. It's not something that's wrong with me.
[00:25:37] In fact, it's just a couple of tweaks that I can now make. So let me know how you found today's episode. I always love to hear from you in the dms. Drop in and let me know what really resonated with you today, and I'll see you on the next episode. Bye.
More about Higher Self & I:
Higher Self & I is the podcast for ambitious female entrepreneurs who are ready to achieve and sustain mind-blowing results in their biz. It’s a show that will release you of your victim mindset and give you complete freedom and energy to jump into the self you always knew you could be. Each week, Rebecca Haydon will help you lock your mindset into gear and empower you to step into the person you always knew you were meant to be – a bad-ass CEO who is here to claim her freaking millionaire life!