Emotional Intelligence in Business: How to Self-Regulate for Success [ep. #175]
Hello lovely lady and welcome to Higher Self & I!
Are your emotions calling the shots in your business? Then we need to fix it! Today, I'll talk about what is emotional intelligence in business and why it's so important that you master it if you want to achieve those big, juicy goals you've set for yourself. Because if you let your limiting beliefs and negative emotions take over, then you are setting yourself up for failure (and we don't want that!).
I'll take you through my own journey from being a reactive entrepreneur to Rebecca Haydon 2.0. You'll learn about the crucial role of self-awareness and self-regulation in business, and I'll introduce you to 'parts work', an approach that I use in my 1:1 containers that help you understand the different parts of yourself that can either hinder or skyrocket your progress.
Tune in and equip yourself with the tools to navigate the highs and lows of your business with grace and strategy. Your business (and sanity) will thank you!
Topics covered on Emotional Intelligence in Business & How to Self-Regulate for Success :
What is emotional intelligence in business?
Why is emotional intelligence important for your business success?
How does being reactive hinder your business?
The steps to processing and responding to emotions effectively.
What role do self-awareness and self-regulation play in mastering your business mindset?
What is 'parts work,' and how can understanding different aspects of yourself lead to better emotional control?
Connect with Bec:
Quote:
"Our thoughts create our feelings, create our actions, create our results." - Rebecca Haydon
Transcription: Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!
[00:00:00] Hello, beautiful lady, and welcome back to Higher Self & I, the podcast. I am very excited that you're here today because today we are speaking about something that is so very important for you to have in your business, and that is becoming more balanced and more neutral with your emotions. I spent a lot of time in my business.
[00:00:26] Right at the very beginning, being very, very reactive. And the reason why I was very reactive was because my emotions ran the bloody show. Now these weren't good emotions. These weren't the emotions that I desired, that I pinned my success on. These were the emotions that were deep and buried in a lot of limiting beliefs I had about myself.
[00:00:58] This was constantly being shown in my behaviours and in my actions. And one of the biggest things I do within any container that you work with me inside is really teach you how to process, get curious, understand and respond to your emotions. Because Our thoughts create our feelings, create our actions, create our results.
[00:01:31] I say it like a bloody parrot. You know that. And actually, our thoughts and feelings can really, really help us. They can help us absolutely demolish the 3D world and quantum leap and collapse timelines. But they can equally, on the flip side, on the limiting belief side, on the not feeling good enough side, Absolutely hinder our success, hinder the life we want.
[00:01:59] And [00:02:00] there are so many triggers coming to us at any given moment, especially as an entrepreneur. It is a, it's a, it's a given thing that entrepreneurship is hard. And I would actually, I actually believe that because I think it is. Yes, I don't play into the story of it being quote unquote hard, but you do have to show up for yourself in ways that you never ever do if you're just employed.
[00:02:28] It is a given thing in my eyes. And actually becoming more balanced and becoming more neutral with your emotions in your business is going to help you move faster. That's what you want, right? So the triggers coming from within your business, coming from within your life, there's many of them. The social media, which will lead to probably comparison if we're in the wrong frame of mind or the wrong emotion.
[00:02:58] Maybe clients, maybe clients are making you feel a certain way. Maybe boundaries aren't there. Maybe you've attracted the wrong type of client. Maybe it's your business besties. Maybe it's systems. Maybe it's technology. That's usually where I see. The biggest amount of frustration come from is technology and systems and We're constantly having to respond as business owners.
[00:03:23] Now, at the moment, what might be happening is that you're constantly having to react, which is keeping you in this fight or flight state. Now, when we look at the nervous system, As humans, we actually cannot physically sustain fight or flight for too long. And when we've been in fight or flight for too long, what actually happens is we move into what is called fawn.
[00:03:52] And fawn is where we go numb. Fawn is where the conne, the nerve, the nerve connections [00:04:00] in our ears change and switch off. So we usually don't hear a lot of things and you're constantly like, was I just there? Then? Like there is so many things that happen when you are in fawn and actually being on in flight, fight or flight for too long.
[00:04:16] You are in that reactive behavior. This is why. My pillars across my business is the opera. Like it, one of them is the operations, the CEO operations, because having the foundations below you, having the foundations under you from an operational perspective, being very strategic with what you do and how you show up and how your content works and what leads into where, and when you're launching calendars, click up, all of the things can have such a momentum on your.
[00:04:49] Emotions and actually having that foundation below you can allow you to respond rather than react. It's a really huge thing that I go through with my clients, but actually we can not going to speak about that today because it's not kind of where I'm going with this, but from a subconscious perspective.
[00:05:09] We can start to become more connected and balanced with our emotions, which then makes them more neutral, which then makes you respond rather than react. The first thing that I always say with this, to be able to be more balanced and neutral with your emotions, Is, and I've said it in this podcast episode already, emotional intelligence.
[00:05:34] It truly is the one thing that really changed the trajectory for me. That really made and allowed me to move out of victim. That really allowed me to step into the CEO. That really allowed me to have shit happen. To have life happen. To have EastEnders worthy drama happen in my life. Yes, I have been [00:06:00] there and not have my emotions run the show.
[00:06:05] And with emotional intelligence, what that actually means is the kind of recognizing and understanding and management of both your own emotions, the emotions that are in you and of others. And actually really using emotional information to guide your thinking, to guide your behavior. Especially in those relationships or social interactions.
[00:06:34] And one of the things with emotional awa emotional intelligence that I first teach my clients is self awareness. Now, luckily, I attract a lot of clients who are at a place in their business where they are usually incredibly self aware. They just don't know what to do with the awareness. So I have a lot of clients come to me that are like, I'm very fucking aware of myself.
[00:06:58] I'm aware of what I do. I'm aware of the beliefs. I'm aware of where I'm stuck. I'm aware of my habits. I'm aware of where I'm sabotaging myself, but Beck, You I don't know what to do with it, please help. So, they've already got that self awareness. Now, self awareness, again, exactly what it says on the tin, it's being aware of your own emotions.
[00:07:18] It's being aware of your triggers. It's being aware of the intensity of them. It's being aware of your impact on your thoughts, your behaviours. Every thought has a frequency and you need to be aware of where that frequency is taking you because your thoughts and your emotion are shaping your 3D experience and they are only because of the RAS system.
[00:07:43] Your thoughts and your emotions, what you're feeding into your reticular activated system, I've got a podcast on this, I'll link it below. is really what you then go on to see. It's the glasses that you put on that you go into the world. And actually, by understanding your [00:08:00] emotions, by understanding and becoming very self aware, you start to become more emotionally intelligent.
[00:08:06] Because then, step two, you can self regulate, and actually this is one of the, the kind of absolute things that I teach my clients. I couldn't think of the word though. But, the self regulation, because we can have the self awareness, like I said. Many of my clients have self awareness, but they're like, I have no clue what to do with the awareness.
[00:08:28] And that is through self regulation. And that is a lot of tools and techniques that allow you to speak and feel and understand and get curious as to why the emotions are coming up, maybe really learn the triggers so you don't take yourself into them or know what to do with the triggers, to maintain composure under pressure.
[00:08:49] We've got a lot of strategies. I call them subconscious strategies. I teach a lot of those to my clients that help them self regulate. A lot of the time it's speaking to your parts, which I'm going to be speaking about in today's podcast episode, but a lot of the time it is really getting curious and understanding as to why you behave in the way that you behave, why you're doing the things that you're doing, why you're reacting at that point in that certain way, and then being able to get curious at that.
[00:09:17] And I think a lot of the time when we become. More balanced with our emotions. We become more neutral to our emotions. It's because we get curious at them. You don't let them take over. Because it's very easy, isn't it? Of course it is. Of course it's easy to let your emotions take over, let them run, and then it's hours later, days later, months later, and you're like, wow, that wasn't me.
[00:09:45] You know, I used to have days that I would get into bed and I would be like, Who the fuck was that today? Because it certainly wasn't Rebecca Haydon Higher Self. It certainly wasn't the girl, the woman, that I know I can [00:10:00] be. And it was only at the moment that I got into bed and I reflected, I was like, Wow, I wasn't me today, that's for sure.
[00:10:08] And it's because my emotions took over, and then everything fucking led from them. The way I behaved, the way I showed up, the way I re reacted, the way Everything was coming from the emotion, from the trigger, from the belief, the limiting belief that was driving that. And we don't want that, because times Waits for no man, when you've got your own business.
[00:10:32] And, it's very valuable to us, you know, time for me. is, is more valuable than money. I will happily pay money so I can collapse time, reduce time, get time back. Time for me is way more important. And when we can self regulate, it's that bounce back ability that I speak about and have spoke about for like the last four years, a concept that I made up.
[00:10:58] from Soccer AM. Don't ask me why, if you ever watch Soccer AM. Um, but that bounce back ability to go, Oh, boom, I feel an emotion, but I can get curious and let's move through it. Boom. I felt that thought. I felt the emotion. Let's get curious. And that constant self regulation, which sometimes can be quite tiring.
[00:11:19] Sometimes it can be, right? I, I get it. Like, the work, the subconscious work, and I have so many of my clients come to me and they're like, Beck, I thought I was doing the work. I thought I was, you know, listening to podcasts, reading the books, doing all the things, journaling. But wow. Now I realize what the work is and actually the work never ends the onion never unpeels Unfortunately, but in a very good way because we can constantly grow So actually that self regulation of you being able to quickly work through it But from like quite a neutral level as well is very important because it's when I have clients come in who we have like quite deep Mindset work to do they [00:12:00] can be very tired when we're doing it because it is You Emotionally heavy.
[00:12:04] It is mentally heavy. We are constantly changing a lot of patterns and behaviors that they've had for years, but when they move through that, and sometimes it can take a month, sometimes it can take three months, when they move through that and they kind of start to come out of it and start to regulate quicker and start to bounce back quicker, we start to move through it as well.
[00:12:27] So really having the emotional intelligence that Self awareness, but then equally that self regulation is going to really help you become more balanced within your emotions and more neutral to your business. For example, as I say, the triggers are always going to be there. There's always going to be Instagram.
[00:12:48] There's always going to be things changing. There's always going to be. Nightmare clients. Not always, but depending on who you're attracting, but some fall through the net. I'll have you know. Um, but you know, like there's always going to be those moments where we are quote unquote tested. I hate saying that we're tested by the universe.
[00:13:06] I don't ever believe that. But like there's going to be moments where we're tested by other people, where we're tested by other people's judgment, by a comment, by someone who doesn't agree with how you think. Run your business or how you coach or who you are as a person. To be honest, there's always going to be moments with the, with that because we cannot control our external, we cannot control our external, we cannot control other people, never, ever can we change or control other people.
[00:13:35] So actually it's what we do within ourself that has the real. emphasis on it. And this is why I could go through one of the most turbulent times in my life, probably two now, now I've gone through trimester one, um, but I could go through that breakup where I have never been so attacked. And [00:14:00] my family, well, I say attacked, but in the very lightest sense of through, through messages, um, and Instagram and trying to find my house and all of the things, but I've never been so.
[00:14:10] Uh, attacked by people and gone, Okay, I take full responsibility of what I've done. I know that I've probably hurt people. And I can regulate my emotions to still show up in my business. I can regulate my emotions enough to know where their story is coming from. And I completely accept that. I take full responsibility of my own behaviors as well.
[00:14:37] And let's move through it. I ran the business through the whole of that breakup. And I've said it on many podcasts. I had a lot of people watching my stories who were not very nice and commenting on things and messaging me. Screenshotting things and there was a whole mirage of things that were going on.
[00:14:57] But because I had such incredible awareness of myself, of what I'd done, and I took full responsibility of that as well, of, you know, I, I hurt people at that point. And I took responsibility of that too. And I was emotionally intelligent, intelligent, Enough to, to, to kind of sit in that too. And how I regulated that and how I moved through that allowed me to still show up for the business.
[00:15:21] I have so many people ask me that question. How did you show up in your business when your life was? Going to shit, basically, you know, like, how do I keep going when my life is going to shit? And that is through emotional intelligence, it's through that emotional regulation. The same with Trimester 1, I've never had, I've never had thoughts and feelings like I had in January.
[00:15:45] Ugh, it was It was dark. It was dark. But I knew what was going on. I knew from a hormonal perspective what was going on. And I knew that I could regulate it. I still allowed myself to feel it because, pregnancy. But I [00:16:00] could still show up in my business. Yes, it had to look a different way for January. But I could still be there, I could still be present with all my clients, I could still show up for what I needed to show up with, because I had the emotional intelligence behind me.
[00:16:14] So self regulation, self awareness, two of the most important things to have in business, I truly believe, because you are the one that's running it, you are the one that's running your business, and if 95 percent of your actions are coming from your subconscious, and that subconscious is feeding the, Not good enough.
[00:16:32] This is never going to happen. All of those beliefs that are having such a reactive response to what you're doing, you're going to constantly stay in that pattern and I don't want you to do that. So really getting curious, really understanding the kind of curiosity around yourself and getting really clear on that.
[00:16:50] is very, very helpful because otherwise you will just go round and round in circles and I see it time and time again and I never want that for you and I never want that for my clients and that's why I love Voxer so much because boom, we pull them back out, boom, I pull them back out, boom, they pull themselves back out and they learn how to do that and I have so many of my clients say to me.
[00:17:13] Beck, I still hear you in my head. Like, we finish, we finish the container and they go, Beck, I literally know what you would be asking me. I literally know what you would be saying. I literally know how you would coach me. And then I coach myself. And it is all the self regulation. And then the thing that really helps me with this as well, with like, understanding the emotions and understanding and being neutral to it, is parts work.
[00:17:39] Now I've spoke about this, um, Quite a few times in, in podcasts actually, but Parts work is so incredible. It is a technique and it is so incredible. I just love it because actually it is, it never feels as deep or as, [00:18:00] um,
[00:18:04] uncomfortable. I don't know whether that's the right word that I was looking for. It never feels as deep and as thick, that's better, deep and as thick as doing a lot of belief work, because I truly believe sometimes we can self, over self development ourself. And I say to my clients, if we've been doing a hell of a lot of belief work, a hell of a lot of timeline therapy, you know, that's my kind of forte.
[00:18:26] It's the thing that drives all the changes within my clients. And I do it very, very well. If we're in that a lot of the time. It can get very emotionally draining and actually sometimes we've, we've worked through so many beliefs that we need to kind of let that be a little bit and we need to really calibrate into that next level.
[00:18:44] But sometimes those parts are still going to show up and I think parts work is so powerful and it's like one that I love showing my clients and when I teach them parts work, they go, this concept is fucking brilliant. And parts work is a little bit like inside out the Disney film, you know, when she has.
[00:19:02] The kind of characters in a head, there's joy, there's sadness, there's anger. There's the new film coming out. Now there's anxiety and there's, um, I think there might be like depression, like there's loads of other parts. That's exactly how I see it. And I think that a lot of the parts work that I do with my clients.
[00:19:19] If you're one of them, you know exactly what we do. Um, but you know, you kind of start to create this, this image of your parts in your head. Now we have. Three different sections of parts. We have the managers, the manager parts. We have the firefighters and we have the exiles and actually what it is. And I'm not going to go too far into this today, cause this is more for my one to ones.
[00:19:45] Um, but our managers are usually quite strong part and they're exactly what it says on the tin, the managerial roles. They are the protectors of our system. Um, and actually, Attempt to keep us in control in every situation. And this [00:20:00] is why I talk about managers so much in the business, because it's very easy for managers to take over self.
[00:20:05] Now, self is higher self. Like I talk about, like this podcast is named, which is our core. It's our center. It's the person that we are, and that is all of the C's. It's the calm, it's the curious, it's the compassion, it's the connected, it's the capable, it's the courage, it's the creativity, it's the confidence.
[00:20:23] When we're not in the C's. When we're not in the C's, you are probably coming from a part, and that part is protecting you, but equally, it's not you that it's coming from. And a lot of the time, my clients will come on and something have happened, and I'm like, Okay, this is a part speaking to me right now.
[00:20:42] I can very much see that. I can hear the language as to how this part is speaking to me. This isn't you. This isn't Rebecca. This is a part that's speaking. Let's have a look at what that part is here for. And the managers, the controller, the striver, the caretaker, the judge, uh, the pessimist, the planner, the self critical, self critical is a huge manager that I have in my part system, in my internal system.
[00:21:08] Um, That I have to speak to a lot, um, as well as the controller and the kind of like, let's go, let's go, I've got my clipboard. We got to move. We got to move. But actually what the managers are doing is they're trying, they step in to stop us from feeling hurt or rejected to stop us feeling the exiles, which are the painful emotions, the kind of shame, the worthlessness, the, the fear, the, the, the loneliness, the grief, the, all of the kind of really.
[00:21:39] hard emotions for us to feel, they will step in to stop us from feeling that way. And again, with the firefighters, the firefighters protect the system, but they, they want to distract us. So that is addiction. It is, Um, kind of like the scrolling, the disassociation, the distraction, the [00:22:00] obsession, the compulsion, the fantasy, the rage, the firefighters come in to distract us from feeling the exile.
[00:22:06] So both of the parts, both of the managers and the firefighters are to protect us from feeling the exiles. And I think sometimes we do have to feel. those feelings to move through them, but a lot of the time becoming very aware of your parts, why they're here, why they're showing up, what they're protecting you from, is really really important.
[00:22:27] And a lot of the time I will question my clients if they've come with a, a feeling or an emotion, and they're kind of like, this, I can't do this, or, All of the beliefs that kind of intertwine in the parts because they're so connected. The parts come in at a certain time in your life between the ages of zero to six S Ages of zero to seven or so.
[00:22:48] Um, the parts that your part will have started its job and it's like, I'm here! I'm here to save the day. Let's go. Like, your parts come in because it believes it needed to protect you because it did at that time. But now we know we're different. We're different humans. We know more. We know a lot more than when we were two years old.
[00:23:08] So we have to speak to those parts. And like I said with the film Inside Out, it's almost creating these parts. And when I do parts work with my clients, they do have a demeanor. They're maybe a he, they're a she, they're a character, they're They have a color, they have a certain outfit, we kind of really speak to them and I go through a process with them that allows them to understand and change and nurture and, and love on and all of the things with the parts, again, that's for my one to ones, um, but it really helps us understand and I think just knowing this, and this is kind of why I wanted to talk about parts today, is because, again, it's that self awareness, it's the self awareness of like, okay, I'm not in higher self right now, I'm not in, I'm not in the C's, I'm not in calm, I'm not in confident, I'm not in capable, I'm not in [00:24:00] curious, I'm not in creative.
[00:24:01] So if I'm not in a C I'm in a part. And actually, with the part, I can then go, Oof! Okay, part, like, what are you protecting me from? What's feeling unsafe for you right now? What do you need right now? How could you protect me? Still have your job, but Really help me move forwards with this and kind of start to question.
[00:24:22] And again, it's that curiosity again, it's that real curiosity. So hopefully a couple of these things have helped you in the way of balancing your emotions and becoming neutral with your emotions in your business. Of course, life is gonna life. There is going to be emotions that we have to feel. There is going to be emotions that we have to sit in that feel really uncomfortable or horrible or painful or just, ugh.
[00:24:50] Like, we have to do that. We have to sit through that. You know me. I do not feed into The, the kind of like, like the, the positive bullshit, like I 100 percent say to my clients, okay, let's feel it, let's give it its time, let's give it its moment, but actually that's when you're curious at it, that's when you have the tools to look at yourself, to look at your emotions and to be able to regulate, and that is truly one of the biggest things that I teach my clients, because if you cannot regulate your emotions, I don't think you can run a business, like I really don't, it will be so hard for you to keep striving and thriving and growing because you're constantly stuck in the emotions that aren't serving you, you're constantly stuck in the beliefs that aren't serving you.
[00:25:37] So, go and have a little look at what your parts are, if you do want more support within this, you are very self aware and maybe you're like, I'm ready to self regulate so I can move to the next level, I know it's me that's stopping me right now. I would either say. Jump into the membership where you can really start to learn these tools or my one to one containers is [00:26:00] going to be the perfect fit for you.
[00:26:02] I will see you on the next episode. All the links are in the bio, the application form, the membership one to one or drop into the DMs and let's have a chat. See you on the next episode. Mwah!
More about Higher Self & I:
Higher Self & I is the podcast for ambitious female entrepreneurs who are ready to achieve and sustain mind-blowing results in their biz. It’s a show that will release you of your victim mindset and give you complete freedom and energy to jump into the self you always knew you could be. Each week, Rebecca Haydon will help you lock your mindset into gear and empower you to step into the person you always knew you were meant to be – a bad-ass CEO who is here to claim her freaking millionaire life!